During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1
We all make poor choices and hurt others. Because of our sin, we often find ourselves living imprisoned by the guilt, shame, and regret in our own hearts and minds. Each bar of our prison is built with a careless word, an unkind choice, a selfish act, or a hurtful argument. As we replay these moments in our heads, the prison door slams shut—and we may feel as though we will never again be free to experience peace. But there is help in times of regret. The Lord promises that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus—and His promises are always true.
Has regret stolen your freedom? Make a list of the regrets that imprison you. Then take them to God. Ask Him for forgiveness—and ask Him to help you to forgive yourself. Invite the Holy Spirit to replace your guilt and shame with His peace and freedom. Step out of your prison! You can trust Him to bring freedom from your regret.
Encourage the teens to ask their family members, “Have you ever missed an opportunity or said or done something you wish you had not?” They can then share that forgiving ourselves for the things we regret can help us to be healthier and experience more peace in our lives.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
Greet the students by name as they arrive. Ask them, “What is 1 thing you like about yourself?” Allow them to share with you and with others in the class. Share your answer to the question too!
Today we will talk some about our life stories. First, picture the oldest tree you have ever seen. It is probably many years older than you are. Its roots probably reach deep underground or stretch in a wide circle around its trunk. Its branches may reach up to the sky. Its bark and trunk probably show signs of difficult times it survived, such as drought, storms, or even fire. This tree may provide a home for animals, fruit to eat, or shelter from the sun. Each branch, each root, each leaf, each flower or fruit tells part of the tree’s story.
You have a life story, too! Your life cannot be described by just 1 minute or 1 experience. It is a collection of everything you have done and everything that has happened to you. Each part of your story has helped you to grow into who you are today. Today we will think about some of those experiences and draw our own life stories in the form of trees.
Give each teen a stick. Tell the students that they will draw their life trees in the dirt as you give them the following instructions. Pause between each instruction to give teens time to add these details to their trees.
Optional: If you have paper and pencils, give these to the teens and allow them to draw their trees on paper. If you are using the Student Pages, the teens can draw their trees on their pages.
The roots of your tree represent the early part of your life and those who influenced it. Your roots might include your parents, grandparents, or other people who took care of you when you were young. They might include the village or town where you were born. Draw some roots now and think of what each represents in your life.
Now add a trunk and branches to your tree. The trunk is who you are right now. The branches represent people who are important to you now, such as teachers, friends, brothers, or sisters. You can draw as many branches as you wish. As you add branches, think about what each represents in your life.
Add leaves to your branches. Each leaf on your tree is a meaningful event in your life. Use a small picture or a symbol to represent that event. For example, my grandmother came to live with my family. I will draw a walking stick because she uses one.
Now add some cuts and scars to your tree. These represent the difficult things you have experienced and the things you have done that have caused regret in your life. As you draw the cuts and scars, think about what they represent in your life.
Add a flower or a fruit to your tree for each thing that makes you feel good about yourself. It might be a gift or talent. It might be something someone has said, such as “You are loved by God.” It might be something that only you and God know. Draw those now.
After students have completed their trees, have them find partners and share their life story trees with each other. They can point to their tree drawings as they share. Many students may have details about their lives that they are not ready to share with others. Tell them that they do not need to share anything they are not comfortable sharing.
Gather the students back together and have them remain with their partners.
Thank you for sharing your life stories! Every human who has ever lived has a life story, and each one is different. But each one has beginnings, growth, victories, and challenges. And God cares about each one! Our life stories also include scars of shame, guilt, and regret. God cares about those things, too! Let’s learn more about how God helps us in our times of regret.
In the days of the early church, the followers of Jesus were growing in faith and in number. However, they faced much danger and religious persecution. In the book of Acts, we learn that some of Jesus’ followers died for their faith, including Stephen.
Optional: If possible, share the images from The Action Bible.
Some years after Stephen was killed, Barnabas and Saul were sent by the Holy Spirit to preach the good news about Jesus. When they left Antioch, they brought John Mark with them to help them in their ministry. Listen to what the Bible tells us about their ministry:
The two of them, sent on their way by the Holy Spirit, went down to Seleucia and sailed from there to Cyprus. When they arrived at Salamis, they proclaimed the word of God in the Jewish synagogues. John was with them as their helper.
Acts 13:4–5
How do you think it made Saul and Barnabas feel to have John there to assist them?
Allow 2–3 teens to share their thoughts. Then guide the teens to understand that it may have been encouraging and helpful to have someone to assist them in their ministry.
Have you ever had an opportunity to encourage and help someone else? Tell a partner about your experience. How did it make you feel? How did it make the other person feel?
However, sometime later, John Mark decided to leave the ministry. Listen to what the Bible tells us about his decision:
From Paphos, Paul and his companions sailed to Perga in Pamphylia, where John left them to return to Jerusalem.
Acts 13:13
The Bible does not tell us why John Mark decided to leave, only that he made the decision not to go with Paul and Barnabas as they continued on their journey.
Why do you think John Mark left the ministry?
Allow 2–3 teens to share their thoughts.
How do you think it made Paul and Barnabas feel when John Mark left them?
Allow 2–3 teens to share their thoughts.
Have the teens answer the following questions with a partner. Tell them that it is okay if they do not feel comfortable sharing the details of their experiences. If they prefer, they can simply tell their partners that they have done things they regret.
The Bible tells us that sometime later, Paul and Barnabas wanted to visit the people who had begun to follow Jesus through their ministry. Listen to what happened next:
Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.
Acts 15:36–41
What caused the disagreement between Paul and Barnabas?
They disagreed about whether or not to invite John Mark to join them again.
Why do you think this caused them to disagree?
They had differences of opinion: Barnabas was ready to invite John Mark back, but Paul felt that John Mark should not be allowed to rejoin them.
The Bible does not tell us why Paul felt that John Mark should not rejoin the ministry. It is possible he was not yet ready to forgive John Mark for abandoning their work. It is also possible that Paul felt that John Mark was not prepared for the difficulties he would face. So Paul and Barnabas went to separate cities.
Allow 2–3 teens to share their answers to the following questions.
Have the teens answer the following questions with a partner. Again, tell them that it is okay if they do not feel comfortable sharing the details of their experiences. If they prefer, they can simply tell their partners that they have done things that have caused disagreement between others.
It took some time, but John Mark became a powerful missionary for the gospel of Jesus. The Bible does not tell us what happened, but we do know that John Mark and Paul were able to repair their relationship and help each other again. Listen to what Paul said about John Mark. These instructions were given to Timothy, another of Paul’s fellow workers in ministry:
Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.
2 Timothy 4:11
John Mark’s story does not end there. He became such a passionate follower of Jesus’ teachings that God inspired him to write the book of Mark in the Bible.
What do you think may have caused John Mark to feel regret?
Allow 2–3 teens to share their thoughts. Be sure they mention that it is possible that he abandoned his call to ministry, caused a disagreement between Paul and Barnabas, or missed opportunities to share Jesus’ message with others because of his decision.
Have the teens answer the following questions with a partner. Again, tell them that it is okay if they do not feel comfortable sharing the details of their experiences. If they prefer, they can simply tell their partners that they have had opportunities to learn and improve after doing something they regretted.
Have you ever had an opportunity to learn and improve after you have done something you regretted?
How did it make you feel?
Not all regret is bad. It is normal to feel guilty or ashamed about poor choices we have made or things we have done to hurt others. Regret can be a signal that there is something that we should correct, ask forgiveness for, or change. But when we let regret prevent us from doing what is right or living in healthy ways, it is not good. It can damage how we feel about ourselves and our relationships with others.
In order to move past regret, there are 3 steps we need to take. First, we need to ask for forgiveness from God. Listen to what the Bible tells us about asking for God’s forgiveness:
If you are using the Memory Verse Poster, show it to the students.
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 3:17
What does this verse teach us about God’s response to our sinful choices?
Allow 2–3 teens to share their ideas. Then guide them to understand that God does not want to condemn us; He wants to restore us to relationship with Him.
Second, we need to ask for forgiveness from those we have hurt. This can be difficult to do. But it is an important step in healing.
Finally, we need to forgive ourselves. This is often the most difficult step of all. Our guilt and shame can consume our lives and cause us to feel that we are not worthy of enjoying relationship with others. Instead of receiving God’s forgiveness, we refuse it and continue to condemn ourselves for having done something we regret. We often experience deep grief and pain over the things we have done to ourselves and others. But shame and regret that last a long time are not healthy, and they do not reflect the way God wants us to live.
Have the teens discuss the following questions with their partners. Give them a few minutes to discuss each question.
The Bible teaches us that if we ask God for forgiveness, He will give it. Do you think it is okay to not forgive ourselves? Why or why not?
How do you think it makes God feel when we do not forgive ourselves and keep hating or condemning ourselves?
The Bible teaches us that God loves us so deeply that He made a great sacrifice to forgive us. He sent His Son to die on a cross so that we could be forgiven. When He did this, He erased our guilt and shame and restored our honour. As God’s image-bearers, we reflect His honour—which is far beyond any honour we deserve. This can bring us great hope when we are living with regret. It is also an important reminder to us that forgiving ourselves is not just about us. Forgiveness is God’s gift to us. If He can forgive us, we should forgive ourselves. When we do this, we show that we understand that God forgives us when we repent and that we receive His gift of forgiveness and healing.
We cannot overcome the pain and shame of regret without God’s help. Our own efforts will never be enough. Asking for God’s forgiveness is always the first step to overcoming shame and regret. The next step is asking for His help to forgive ourselves.
Let’s talk about a situation that has caused shame and regret. Use the things you have learned to think of some advice you can give to the person who is experiencing these emotions.
Read the situation. Then ask the questions. Give the teens a few minutes to discuss their answers with their partners. Then allow 2–3 students to share their ideas with the whole class. If necessary, remind them that the teen in the situation should ask for forgiveness from God and from the person he has wronged and that he should forgive himself.
Situation: Michael and his little sister have lived with his aunt since his mother died. His aunt is very poor, so she often asks Michael to steal food to feed the family. Michael feels guilt and shame about stealing, but he is afraid they will not have food to eat if he does not continue to steal. What should Michael do?
Gather the class together for discussion.
Sometimes we do things we regret because we choose to. Other times it is because we feel we have to. In either kind of situation, we may experience deep pain, shame, and guilt because of our decisions. But God has promised that He will forgive us for our sins if we ask Him to.
If you are not near the place where your students drew their life trees, return to that area and have them stand near their drawings.
Optional: If the teens drew the trees on paper or on their Student Pages, have them take out their papers.
Let’s look again at our life trees. Look at the scars and cuts.
Pause after each instruction below to give the teens time to respond.
Have you forgiven yourself? If not, ask God to help you. His forgiveness is enough for all of our sins—even the things we struggle to forgive ourselves for.
Pause to allow the teens to think and pray. Then close with a blessing based on John 3:17:
Blessing: May you experience the true forgiveness of God, who loves you so much that He sent His Son to die for you! May you begin to forgive yourself as He has forgiven you.
Lead the teens in singing this quarter’s song, if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
