During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Colossians 3:12
Let families know that this week their children will learn the third step in managing anger. It is to think about the other person. Encourage the families to take turns sharing the best and worst parts of their days. As each person shares, the others can express compassion or excitement for the one who is sharing.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
As the children arrive, let them know that you are glad to have them with you today.
Have the children find partners. Tell the children that they will share an interesting fact about themselves with their partners. If children need help knowing what to share, suggest these ideas:
Give the first child 1 minute to share with her partner. Then tell the children to switch and the other partner will share for 1 minute. Bring the class together and have each child introduce his partner and say what his interesting fact is.
Were you more interested in learning about your partner or sharing about yourself?
Allow 2 children to respond.
Sometimes it can be hard to think about the other person because we want to focus on ourselves. Today, we will learn that it is important to think about other people when we are managing our anger.
Let’s review the first 2 steps that we have already learned.
When someone does something that makes us angry, it is easy to think only about ourselves. We think about how hurt we are, or how much we want that person to be punished, or why the other person is wrong. But when we think only about ourselves, our anger only gets stronger.
The third step in managing anger is to think about the other person. We think about what he may be feeling and experiencing. Let’s learn motions for the third step.
Teach children the motions. Pause for children to do the motions every time you say the words “think about the other person.”
Think about the other person: point to your head, and then point to another person.
When we think about what the other person is feeling or experiencing, we are showing compassion.
Why do you think that thinking about the other person’s feelings and experiences can help you control your anger?
Allow children to share their ideas.
When we think about another person’s feelings, we can begin to understand why he acts the way he does. The more compassion we have for someone the less angry we will be toward him. The Bible gives us some wise advice about this. Listen to this verse:
If you are using the Memory Verse Poster, show it to the students.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
James 1:19
What do you think it means to be “quick to listen”?
Help the children understand that it means that we need to pay attention to what the other person is really saying.
What do you think it means to be “slow to become angry”?
Help the children understand that we need be careful our first reaction is not anger.
How can you practice being slow to become angry?
Allow 2–3 children to share their ideas.
Listening to the other person is one way to be slow to anger. When you listen to him, you can have compassion for him. You can begin to understand what he is feeling. You can understand why he behaved as he did. This does not mean you agree with what he did. But it does mean you can understand his feelings better. The better you understand his feelings, the less anger you will usually feel.
Imagine that another child punches you in the stomach and calls you a mean name.
In this pretend situation, now that you have done steps 1, 2, and 3, you would be able to see that there are bruises on the other child’s face and arms. You would see that someone has hurt him.
After having done steps 1, 2, and 3 in this situation, how do you think you might react?
Because of their pain, people who have been hurt by someone will often hurt someone else. That does not make it right that this child hit you. But it is important to remember that every person has had different experiences that shape how she responds to situations. When you think about the other person, you may begin to understand why he treats you the way he does.
You may try to think about the other person but still not understand why she did what she did. If it is safe, you might ask her questions about how she is feeling. You might ask things such as what she is feeling and why. You may ask if you can help her. If she does not want to answer your questions, you can stop asking.
I will tell you a story from the Bible about 2 brothers, Cain and Abel. Cain did not manage his anger well. As a result, he did something very bad. Listen carefully and think about how Cain could have acted differently if he had managed his anger by doing steps 1, 2, and 3.
Divide the children into 2 groups. One group will represent Cain, and the other group will represent Abel. There are places in the story that tell you to point to the different groups. When you do, the groups will show how they think Cain or Abel would have felt at that point in the story. The children can only use their faces to show what the brothers may have felt.
Optional: If you are using The Action Bible, have the children read the story on pages 24–28.
Adam and Eve had 2 sons. Adam and Eve’s first son was named Cain. Their second son was named Abel. Abel was a shepherd. Cain was a farmer. Time went by, and both brothers brought an offering to the Lord.
When it was harvest time, Cain gathered some of his crops to give to God. Abel brought the fattest, most valuable portions of his best sheep as an offering to the Lord. The Lord was pleased with Abel and his offering. But He was not pleased with Cain and his offering.
Point to both groups. Have each one show how their brother may have felt.
Optional: If possible, share the image from The Action Bible.
We do not know for sure why God was not pleased with Cain. It may have been because Cain did not offer God the very best of his harvest while Abel gave God his very best. Cain became very angry. His face was sad.
Point to the Cain group and have the children show how Cain may have felt.
God said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face sad? Do what is right. And you will be accepted. If you do not do what is right, sin is waiting at your door. It will grab you! You must control it.”
Cain said to Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.”
Point to both groups. Have each one show how their brother may have felt.
While they were in the field, Cain attacked Abel and killed him.
Point to the Cain group and have the children show how Cain may have felt.
What a terrible thing to happen! Let’s talk about this story.
Who was Cain angry with in this story?
God and his brother.
Do you think it was okay for Cain to be angry with Abel and with God? Why or why not?
Allow children to share openly. There is not necessarily a right or wrong answer as the Bible does not explain why God found Cain’s offering unacceptable.
God warned Cain that he was in danger of sinning. God even told him how to avoid the sin. But Cain did not listen to God. Instead he let his anger get out of control. And he killed his brother!
What could Cain have done to manage his anger?
Allow children to share their ideas. Make sure they suggest the 3 anger management steps they have learned so far. Be sure to point out that Cain should also have repented before God.
Let’s practice the 3 anger management steps we have learned. First we will review the steps and actions.
Have children stand up and spread out.
Think of a situation in which you have felt angry and have responded wrongly.
Give children a moment to think quietly. Offer suggestions if the children cannot think of any.
Imagine you are in that situation right now and are starting to feel angry. Your heart may be beating quickly. Your palms might be getting sweaty.
What are some things you can do to stop and calm down?
Children share ideas. They may suggest praying, taking 3 slow breaths, counting silently to 10, or thinking of a calm place.
Practice doing one of these things now.
Give the children time to practice one of the techniques that will help them to stop and calm down.
Continue to imagine that you are in the situation that makes you angry. You have stopped and calmed down. Now it is time to do the second step, which is to say what you are feeling. Think about what emotions you are feeling right now. Then say an “I feel …” statement out loud.
Pause for children to say what they are feeling.
Think again about your situation. Are you angry at another person? If you are, do the third step, which is to think about the other person’s feelings and experiences. Think about what he may be feeling. Think about what he may have experienced or how he may have been mistreated by others.
If you are angry with God, pray and talk with God about what you are feeling. Ask Him to help you change so that you can be in close relationship with Him.
Give children a moment to think quietly.
Did this change how you felt? If so, in what way?
Optional: If you are using the Student Pages, there is space for the children to do an activity that shows them thinking about the other person.
God knows every person’s experiences. He knows what every person feels. And He cares about every person. The next time you are angry with someone, consider her feelings and experiences. Pray. Ask God to help you see the other person the way He sees her. As you imagine what life is like for her, your emotions toward her will change.
Listen to this verse that tells us how we can be in good relationships with people:
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Colossians 3:12
God wants our relationships with people to be filled with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. We cannot have relationships like this if we are angry with others.
Close class by speaking this blessing from Colossians 3:12 over the children. Ask the children to pretend to put on clothing as you speak this blessing over them.
Blessing: When you are angry, may God help you think about the other person. May He help you be clothed in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
Lead the children in singing this quarter’s song, if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
