During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
Before class, think of about 10 items that would be easy to form using mud or clay for the activity in the Connecting part of the lesson. Examples might be tree, snake, bug, banana, pencil, ball, cup, fork, etc. If you have the paper, you can write a list of the items.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13
It is easier to repair a glass plate with a small chip in it than one that is shattered into many pieces. The same is true for relationships. We have all experienced relationships that have chips or are even broken. Think of a strained relationship you have experienced. Does it get better when left alone or does it get worse? How much stress or pain does this broken relationship cause you? Does it make you want to avoid that person?
Do not wait for a strained relationship to shatter. If you are experiencing stress in a relationship, take steps this week to mend it. If there is unspoken hurt, resentment, or confusion between you and a friend or family member, start by asking for forgiveness. Even if the other person has hurt you, ask God to give you a humble heart. Look for the ways you are at fault, and approach the other person with humility and mercy. Communicate your feelings honestly, and listen well to the other person. Then try to work together to move forward in your relationship by continuing to talk often and honestly. Remember that you are not alone in this process. God has provided the Holy Spirit to help you!
Share with family members that this week children are learning what to do when communication and relationships break down. Encourage them to share with their children about a time when they experienced a broken relationship and how, or if, it was healed.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
Set out your mud or modeling clay before class. You can set it on a table or on the ground. If you are using mud, make sure the mud is firm enough to hold a shape and damp enough to mould.
As the children assemble, divide them into teams of 3–4. Give each team a lump of mud or clay. Have 1 child from each team come forward at the same time, and whisper the name of an item to the children. They will return to their teams and use the mud or clay to sculpt that item. The child who is sculpting cannot say anything. It is the team’s task to guess what the child is sculpting. The first team that correctly guesses the word wins that round. Repeat the process a few times so more children have the opportunity to be the sculptors. Have the children wash their hands when the game is finished.
Answers for helping words might include offers to help, compliments, kind words, etc. Answers for hurting words might include yelling, insults, mean words, etc.
Allow the children to come up with as many things as they can remember. Be ready to prompt them. For example, remind the children what they have learned about communicating clearly, being honest, and listening carefully.
We have learned a lot about communicating well! Today we will focus on how to make difficult relationships better and heal broken friendships through clear communication and forgiveness.
Provide the following scenario for the children:
Opio has been friends with Lani her whole life. When Opio’s parents were killed in a traffic accident and she moved into an orphanage, Opio’s whole world changed. Lani was no longer able to play with Opio because Opio moved far away. But Lani was determined to remain friends. Lani wrote to Opio a few times a year, but Opio did not respond because she so sad. Even though Opio was thankful to receive the letters, she never wrote back to Lani.
After 3 years Lani gave up. The letters stopped coming, and both girls were sad. Nearly 5 years after Opio went to live in the orphanage, she was able to visit her hometown to see some of her relatives. The first person who came to see her was Lani. Both girls were silent as they looked at each other. There was so much hurt on both sides that their faces showed no hint of the friendship that they had once shared.
Invite various children to share ideas. Mention that both girls care deeply for each other but a lack of communication over the years has made their relationship strained and awkward.
Opio began to feel jealous when she saw Lani with her mother. She wondered why she could not have a mother. It was not fair for Lani to have so much when Opio felt like she had lost everything. Lani felt hurt and resentful when she thought about how Opio never had never written back to her.
This friendship is over unless both girls admit how hurt they are and tell each other they are ready to change. Healing a broken friendship requires clear communication. Opio needs to agree to respond when Lani writes to her, and Lani must try again to resume a friendship even though she has been hurt. This will not be easy to do, but if both girls want to continue the deep friendship they once shared, this is what needs to happen.
Healing broken relationships is not easy. It would be easy if feelings did not get in the way, but they do. When we have been hurt, it is easy to want to hurt the other person in return. But think about what the hurt means. Usually it means we have been hurt deeply by something or someone we care about. If we did not care about someone, it would not matter as much or hurt as deeply if that person hurt us.
When we open our lives to friendship, we make it easier for friends to hurt us. Some of you have probably been hurt so badly by family members and other people that you do not ever want to love anyone again. It hurts too much. That is understandable! The bad thing is, though, if we do not take the risk and allow ourselves to love again, we will never be fully happy. God made us to have relationships with other people. When we close ourselves off from other people, we hurt ourselves worse than when others hurt us.
Have you ever thought about how much God’s friendship with us cost Him? Listen to this verse.
God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8
It hurt God deeply to allow His Son to die for us, but God allowed it because He loves us. It hurts Jesus deeply every time we disappoint Him, but He loves us so much that He does not stop loving us—ever! God also knows how important clear communication is to healing a broken relationship. When our relationship with Him was broken by sin, God communicated His love and forgiveness clearly to us by sending Christ to die for us and telling us about it in the Bible. We can follow His example and clearly communicate love and forgiveness when friends hurt us.
Children may have seen or held a ceramic pot, a glass trinket, or even a newborn animal or baby.
As children share, have them pretend to hold something fragile in their hands.
Fragile things often break when someone drops them or does not care for them properly. If left outside, they can crack or get ruined. Our friendships can be like these things. If we do not take care of our friendships, they can fall apart. When you ignore someone, it does not take long for him to decide to go away and find other friends. If you are mean to someone and do not apologize, she may stay angry with you for a long time. The friendship may never be the same. When communication breaks down, relationships break.
Sometimes you can carefully glue a broken object back together. It takes time and effort. In the same way, broken relationships can often be mended. Clear communication and forgiveness are the keys to repairing friendships.
Optional, if you have time:
Hand out the stones, or cardboard boxes, to the children. Encourage the children to create a stack as high as they can. Each time they put another piece on the pile, they should share an example of the bad things that can come between them and their friends. Some ideas might be jealousy, anger, frustration, dishonesty, selfishness, bad words, etc. After the children name as many things as they can and have made a high stack, encourage the youngest child in your group to knock the stack down. Then ask the children what can help them knock down problems in their own important friendships. The answer is forgiveness. They must forgive the person who hurt them.
End of Option
If needed, explain that to forgive someone is to let go of negative feelings of anger or resentment toward someone. It also means to cancel someone’s debt so that he no longer owes you. Be ready to give an example from your own life of a time when you had a broken relationship that was mended because you and the other person forgave each other.
Listen to what the Bible says about forgiveness.
Put up with each other. Forgive the things you are holding against one another. Forgive, just as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13, NIrV
This verse encourages us to forgive each other. If we think someone has wronged us, we should talk to her directly about it. It is not easy to forgive others, but that is what Christ has done for us. He wants us to forgive others too because He has forgiven us. We do not have to do it alone, though, because He will help us if we ask Him to.
When a relationship is broken, you and the other person must talk to each other about it. It is important to tell the other person how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. It is equally important to listen to the other person as he shares his feelings. Often you and the other person understand the situation differently. That is okay and normal. Communicating is the first step toward forgiveness.
Here are two important parts to forgiving and mending a broken relationship:
When two people are both willing to forgive each other and work together, their relationship will improve. Sadly, sometimes relationships remain broken, even when you try to mend them. Sometimes the other person is not willing to forgive you or accept your forgiveness. When this happens, remember the only person you can control is yourself. When you ask God for forgiveness, He is always faithful to forgive you. Your heart and mind can be at peace knowing that God forgives you and loves you.
Divide the children into pairs. Explain that you will share situations about friends who are angry with each other. The children will do role-plays to practice the two steps to mending a broken relationship: Ask each other for forgiveness and talk about how they will try to keep problems from occurring again.
Situation 1: Two friends were carrying huge pots of water from the pump to their homes. They were only allowed to draw from the pump once a day, so the water they were carrying had to last their families 24 hours. They were talking and laughing when one of the girls tripped and dropped her pot. It broke and all of the water was lost. “Will you share half of your water? It is too late to go back to the pump and get more,” the girl begged. Her friend wanted to but knew her mother would beat her if she did. She said no and kept walking, leaving her friend to go home alone and share the bad news.
Role-play how the friend can ask for forgiveness and what might help the friends in the future if something else comes between them.
Situation 2: When these boys were very young, they played together and were best friends. One friend never paid any attention to the horrible scars on his friend’s face from when his uncle threw boiling water at him. As the friends grew older, other boys began to make fun of the burned child and call him “Dog Face” and “Scar Boy.” His friend realized that if he stayed close to that friend, he would also be teased. He hated to do it, but finally he told his friend, “You are ugly. I do not want to be your friend anymore.” Years later he became a Christian. He decided Jesus wanted him to find his childhood friend and try to rebuild the relationship.
Role-play how he asks for forgiveness and what might help the friends in the future if something else comes between them.
Gather the children together.
Life is never perfect. Our communication with other people breaks down. We forget our friends. We hurt the people who are closest to us. We do terrible things to the people we should love the most. God wants to help us to restore these relationships. It is not easy, but it is worth it!
Guide the children through a time of silent prayer or reflection. Explain to them that you will read some statements they can pray about. Then you will be quiet while they pray or think about that statement. Let them know that if anyone wants to talk with you after class about a broken relationship, you are available.
If you are angry with a friend or someone you love, tell Jesus about it.
Pause for a moment of silence.
God cares about you, and He cares about your relationship with this person. He wants to help you mend your relationship. Ask Jesus to help you find ways to ask for forgiveness and work together to not hurt each other again.
Pause for a moment of silence.
Thank Jesus that He is always there for you to talk with and that He cares about all you are feeling or going through.
Pause for a moment of silence.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
Optional: If you are using the Student Pages, allow students a couple of minutes to draw a picture of themselves and a friend or family member forgiving each other and working together.
Close class by praying this blessing over the children:
Blessing: God loves you so much that He sent His only Son, Jesus, to earth to die so that you can be forgiven. May God help you forgive those who have hurt you. And through forgiveness, may God help mend the broken relationships in your life.
Lead the children in singing this quarter’s song if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
