During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
Before class, tear out the page of proverbs at the end of the lesson and cut or tear apart the proverbs.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
James 3:17–18
Every day is filled with interactions with others. Some are quick and peaceful. It is easy to respond wisely in these situations. But sometimes these interactions are filled with emotion. We feel hurt, angry, or fearful, and we react by allowing our strong emotions to pour out in our words and actions. These emotional reactions damage our relationships, breaking trust and creating division. But God has called us to nurture our relationships, and we need His wisdom to make them fruitful.
Think about a close relationship in your life. Do you respond wisely when situations get tense? Or do you react emotionally? What effects do your reactions have on this relationship? Ask God to help you to pause and seek His wisdom when those moments arise, as they do in every long, close relationship. Reacting may feel good in the moment, but we must respond wisely, showing mercy and gentleness, if we want to harvest peace in our relationships.
Encourage the teens to share with family members what they learned about responding instead of reacting. They can then share the 5 ways they learned to respond wisely: pause, pray, ask a question, be truthful, and offer a solution.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
Greet the students as they arrive. Ask them to share about if they were able to speak wisely since the last class. Invite 2–3 students to share their stories with the whole group.
What are a few things you remember about wise and foolish speech?
Allow 2–3 teens to share their thoughts.
One of the things we learned was how the wise seek to understand a situation before they speak. Let’s do an activity to learn more about being wise in our responses to others.
Have the teens find partners. After this activity, they should remain with their partners for the activity that comes later in the lesson.
I will read a situation. Then 1 partner will restate the situation as though he is saying it to his partner. Then his partner will respond.
Allow 2–3 students to share their thoughts.
Have the partners switch roles for the second situation. Whoever responded to the first situation will restate this situation and the other partner will respond.
Allow 2–3 students to share their thoughts.
In any situation that causes a strong reaction, you can either react emotionally or respond wisely.
An emotional reaction is usually quick and does not involve much thought. This kind of reaction may be fearful, angry, or aggressive. When we react, we are usually only thinking of our own needs. This means that emotional reactions often do not help. Instead, they make problems worse.
A wise response is calmer. It involves thinking before speaking or acting. When we respond wisely, we control our emotions instead of letting our emotions control us. We think about the needs of others and the consequences of our choices. When we respond wisely, we are better able to solve problems and have healthier relationships.
Learning to respond wisely can help us in all of our lives, but it is especially important in our close relationships. Friendships, marriages, and family relationships are valuable and should be protected. However, often we do not handle these relationships wisely. We feel that these people who care about us will understand our emotions or that they should tolerate our unhealthy reactions. But when we react emotionally instead of responding wisely, we may damage our relationships with others. The people we care about may feel that they cannot trust us or that we do not care about their emotions, only our own.
Have the teens turn to their partners and answer the following:
Share a time when you reacted emotionally to a situation. You do not need to share the situation or who was there, only how you responded. What happened?
Let’s read a few verses from Proverbs that tell us about wise responses.
Divide the students into 8 groups. Give each group 1 proverb from the tear-out page at the end of the lesson. Each group will read their proverb and decide what it means. Then they will think of a creative way to teach the meaning of their proverb. They might act out the meaning, write a poem or song, create a scenario, or choose any other ideas they may have to help others remember the proverb.
Give the groups 5 minutes to work on their presentations. Then ask the groups to present their ideas. As each group begins their presentation, ask them to read their proverb out loud first. After each presentation is done, ask the question listed below the proverb.
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 19:11, ESV
What does this verse teach us about responding wisely in our relationships?
Controlling our anger and forgiving others can help us to have better relationships.
The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.
Proverbs 17:27
What does this verse teach us about responding wisely in our relationships?
Sometimes we should listen instead of talking to understand the needs and emotions of the other person. Staying calm helps us to respond wisely.
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18
What does this verse teach us about responding wisely in our relationships?
We should choose kind words rather than harsh ones to care for our relationships.
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Proverbs 28:13
What does this verse teach us about responding wisely in our relationships?
We should be truthful when we make mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
If you are using the Memory Verse Poster, show it to the students.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:6
What does this verse teach us about responding wisely in our relationships?
We should be truthful with our friends, even when it is difficult. A friend’s truthfulness shows more love than someone who acts kind but does not care for us.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
Proverbs 9:10
What does this verse teach us about responding wisely in our relationships?
God is the source of all wisdom, and following Him can help us to respond wisely in relationships.
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
Proverbs 17:14
What does this verse teach us about responding wisely in our relationships?
When possible, we should not start fights. It is better to drop an offense and protect relationships.
To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.
Proverbs 18:13
What does this verse teach us about responding wisely in our relationships?
We should listen and seek more information before we make a decision or offer an opinion.
These verses teach us that patience, forgiveness, truthfulness, and kindness are important in our relationships. When we practice these qualities, they can make our relationships healthier and better. And we may find that we receive more patience, forgiveness, truthfulness, and kindness from others as well.
What other qualities are important in our relationships?
All of these qualities require us to respond wisely instead of reacting emotionally. Reacting emotionally may cause others to believe that the only things we care about are our own needs and emotions. But responding wisely helps them to see that we care about them and their needs and emotions as well.
Responding wisely is not easy, even with people we care about. Responding wisely requires
self-control. It means we think through the situation calmly before responding. It requires us to think of the needs of someone else before our own. It requires us to be patient, forgiving, truthful, and kind. When we feel hurt or angry, this can be especially difficult. But here are some tips to help us to respond wisely in our relationships.
Pause. Sometimes the difference between reacting emotionally and responding wisely is giving yourself time to think. Pausing gives you the opportunity to think about your emotions and respond in a calm and reasonable way.
Pray. As we have learned, God will give us wisdom if we ask for it. Stop and ask God for wisdom before you respond. His wisdom can bring peace and understanding to any situation.
How do you think using the tips we learned might help you to have better relationships?
Have the students share their ideas with their groups. Then invite each group to share a few ideas with the whole class.
Let’s use the situations we talked about at the beginning of class to practice responding wisely. I will read the first situation again. Turn to your partner and share 1 way you can respond wisely using the ideas we just learned: pause, pray, ask a question, be truthful, and offer a solution.
Read the situation below. Then give the students 3 minutes to discuss how they can use what they have learned to respond wisely.
Situation: You told lies about my brother!
Think about your own life. When someone or something makes you feel angry or hurt, do you react emotionally or respond wisely? Why?
Now think about which of the tips we learned will be the most helpful to you in responding wisely: pause, pray, ask a question, be truthful, and offer a solution. Why do you think it will be most helpful to you?
Optional: If you are using the Student Pages, your teens can complete the activity on their pages.
Close this time by saying something like this:
You can respond wisely! God gives you everything you need to have wisdom and understanding. You may need to work on pausing before you speak or act. Perhaps you need to ask more questions to understand what those around you are thinking. Or you may need to be a
problem-solver to manage some frustrations you are facing.
As we learned from Proverbs, responding wisely benefits others, and it also benefits you. People will want to be around you when they can trust that you will respond to them with kindness and wisdom.
Close with a blessing based on Proverbs 17:27:
Blessing: May God give you knowledge as you respond wisely instead of reacting emotionally. May you gain understanding as you stay calm and trust God’s plan for you.
Lead the children in singing this quarter’s song, if possible.
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