During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,
Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13
You may be close to someone who is filled with rage—someone whose anger takes hold of you and causes fear, pain, and anger in your life. You may feel that the person’s angry choices determine your actions and emotions, squeezing out the joy and peace and leaving you powerless. Do you make excuses for the person who mistreats you? Do you struggle to hide the pain caused by the rage of others? Do you live in fear of the next explosion of angry words or physical abuse? Or do you lash back with anger of your own in order to regain control?
God knows your fear and pain. He knows the secrets you keep and the excuses you make. He knows about the temper you struggle to control. His love is more powerful than any human emotion. He can bring peace to your life if you put the situation in His hands. So when the anger of others threatens to overtake you, walk with God. Let Him “take hold of your right hand.” There is nothing to fear. He is the One who will help you always. He will bring peace to your heart—even when those around you are overcome by rage.
Encourage the teens to ask their family members, “What makes you angry? What makes you feel better when you are angry?” Then they can share that treating an angry person with kindness is the best way to resolve an angry situation. If possible, make copies of the Resource Article “Helping Teens Cope With Verbal Abuse” to distribute to the families of your students.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
Greet your teens as they arrive. Invite them to share something they learned about how to handle anger. They can share with other students or with the group. Encourage them as they share, and congratulate them for their successes.
Think about all the ways we are all similar and also very different from each other. God made each of us special and unique. But there are also things that connect us—common characteristics that connect us to a group or common interests that help us make friends. Let’s explore this idea now.
You will have 3 minutes to find 4 different people who are similar to you. You will find 2 people who have a physical quality that is similar to you. For example, if you have a small nose, you need to find 2 other people who have small noses.
You also need to find 2 different people who share a common interest with you. For example, if you enjoy telling jokes, you need to find 2 other people who also enjoy telling jokes.
Give the students 3 minutes to find these similar people. Then ask them to sit down.
Ask the students to share some of their similarities.
The people who are physically similar were easier to find because you could tell by looking at them. The others were more difficult because they involved getting to know the other person more.
Finding people with common interests meant you had to learn about others in a new way. You had to look beyond what you see. You had to talk to each other and find things you had in common.
When we did this activity, it was fun to share things about ourselves. It was pleasant to talk with each other. But in life we may need to spend time with people who are not pleasant to be around. Often, these are angry people. Today we will learn how to deal with angry people.
Share the following ideas if the students do not mention them: You may try to avoid that person because her anger spills out onto you. If the person is often violent, you may be afraid. If you did something to make the person angry, you may feel guilt and shame when you see that person.
Allow students to share their thoughts.
When the situation becomes threatening or is verbally or physically abusive.
Some students may want to be treated with honesty and be confronted about their anger. Other students may hope for patience.
We have learned how anger is like a cup that is filled to the top. When someone is angry, her emotions can spill out onto others. Sometimes people get angry to make themselves feel better about the bad things happening in their lives. In an earlier lesson, we learned some ways to keep from letting our anger spill onto others.
But some people do not know how to control their anger. Some people live angry lives and have not learned to control their anger.
Raise your hand if you know someone who has a lot of anger.
As you can see, many of us spend time around angry people. Today we will learn what to do and what not to do when we are with an angry person.
Imagine you are in this situation with an angry person.
Winnie’s father died recently. Since then, Winnie is angry and yells for no reason. She pushes others in class and does not show respect for the teacher. She is rude and angry with everyone. You avoid talking to her because she only yells at you. When she does yell at you, you yell back or tell her to calm down. You and your friends tease her and insult her.
I treated her with anger and unkindness.
They were not effective because anger only causes more anger.
Allow students to offer suggestions. They may include: I could have comforted her, talked to her nicely, or shown kindness to her.
Imagine you are in another situation.
Kafil’s parents are alcoholics. Whenever they drink, they argue and beat Kafil. Because they spend their money on alcohol, Kafil must work to help feed his family. He seems angry all the time. He often has headaches from holding in his anger. He is usually hungry, so you often share your lunch with him. You know Kafil is hurting. Even though you are kind, sometimes he explodes over small problems. When he gets angry, you give him time to calm down. You pray for Kafil and try to help him when you can. You forgive him for his anger and let him know you care about him. Even though he sometimes gets angry with you, Kafil tells you that you are his only friend and the only person who understands his problems.
I was kind and patient with him. I tried to understand his problems. I forgave him because I knew he was hurting.
They were effective because he felt he could trust me as a friend.
Allow students to offer suggestions.
In both of these situations, you were affected by your friend’s anger. These friends were not angry with you, but their anger caused them to respond to you in angry ways.
Treating Kafil with kindness worked better than treating Winnie with unkindness.
As you have already discovered, treating others with kindness can be a good way to deal with their anger. Listen to this wise advice from Proverbs in the Bible:
If possible, have 3 teens read these verses from the Bible. Show The Action Bible images if you are able.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 15:18
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.
Proverbs 22:24
Answers might include: We should not respond to anger with more anger. We should try to be calm. We should try to avoid friendships with those who are always angry.
Answers might include: Memorize Proverbs 15:1 as a reminder. Pray before responding. Pray for the person, and try to understand the difficult things the person might be going through.
There are several things you should not do when you are dealing with an angry person.
When you frequently spend time with an angry person, it can affect you in many different ways. It can make you react in anger too, like we saw Winnie and Kafil do. It can also cause low self-worth, anxiety, depression and fear. Spending time with angry people can also make it difficult to form trusting relationships. But God can help you overcome these things, even if you are in a difficult relationship with an angry person.
Think of a time when you encountered an angry person.
Allow students to share their thoughts.
We have considered some things that we should not do when we are dealing with an angry person. Here are some things that are good to do when you are around an angry person. You may not always be able to do these things, and they may not always work, but they can be helpful.
Give the person time to control his anger. Some people need time alone to calm down.
Try to stay calm yourself. This will prevent the situation from getting worse. It also might help the angry person calm down.
Walk away. If an angry person is abusing you physically or verbally, try to remove yourself from the situation.
Accept that you cannot control that person’s anger. Whether it is an adult who is angry or your friend, you cannot change how another person acts.
You probably do not usually choose to spend time with angry people. You cannot control other people’s anger nor are you responsible for it. But you can control the way you react to their anger. You can choose to control your own anger and react with understanding or tolerance instead. This is safer for you and can often lead to a better result.
Let’s practice responding to angry people by using what we have learned.
Have the students pair up. Remind them of the scenarios from the beginning of the lesson.
Winnie’s father died recently. Since then, Winnie is angry and yells for no reason. She pushes others in class and does not show respect for the teacher. She is rude to everyone.
Kafil’s parents are alcoholics. Whenever they drink, they argue and beat Kafil. Because they spend their money on alcohol, Kafil must work to help feed his family. He seems angry all the time. He often has headaches from holding in his anger, and he is usually hungry. He explodes over small problems. You know Kafil is hurting.
Ask each pair of teens to use 1 of the situations to practice dealing with angry people in an effective way. One partner in each pair should be Winnie or Kafil, and the other should be the friend. Give them 2–3 minutes to act out how to treat angry people with kindness. Then ask them to switch roles and do the activity again. Give them another 2–3 minutes to do this.
After the partners have finished, gather the group together. Select 3 students to act out the situation as Kafil and his parents for the whole class. The student playing Kafil should use some of the tips to try to help him deal with his angry parents. After 2–3 minutes, have the class clap for them. Then ask the class:
Even when you use the ideas we talked about, dealing with someone who is angry is difficult. But you do not have to do it alone. When you need to deal with an angry person in your life, you can ask God for help. He will walk with you in your difficult times.
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,
Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13
Students may answer that God is with them, holding their hands, in times of fear and trouble.
Students may answer that they can call on God to help them with angry people.
When dealing with an angry person, you can pray about the situation and for the person.
God can help you to remain calm and respectful when dealing with an angry person. God can help the angry person resolve the issues that are causing the anger. God can also help the person to see that her angry behavior is not helping.
As we have learned, God understands people’s anger, but He does not want it to take control of our lives. No matter what is causing the anger, He can help an angry person control it. He can also help us respond with kindness and respect.
Tear out the verses at the end of the lesson and read them aloud. As you read each verse, place it in a different area in your meeting space.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 15:18
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.
Proverbs 22:24
Think about an angry person in your life. Which verse do you think will help you in that situation? As I read each verse again, go to the area where I have placed that verse.
Read the verses aloud again and point to where you put each verse. Give the students about 1 minute to move to the different areas of the room.
One person in your group will read the verse aloud. Then talk about what makes this verse meaningful to you. Talk about how to apply this to your situation. Then each person in the group will offer an encouragement, a rewording of the verse in his own words, or a prayer. As you encourage and pray for each other, notice that you have support and help as you deal with the angry people in your life. God wants you to have others who understand.
Give the students 4–5 minutes to talk, encourage, and pray for each other. Observe the groups, and help any as needed.
Optional: If you are using the Student Pages, the teens can complete their pages at this time.
Close the class with this blessing based on Deuteronomy 31:8.
Blessing: May you seek peace in how you react to others. May you never be discouraged, even if you are surrounded with angry people, because God will never leave you. He will never forsake you. He goes before you. May you follow His lead.
Lead your students in singing this quarter’s song if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
