During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4
When we grieve for someone or something we care deeply about, our emotions can be overwhelming and unexpected. We may feel as though the darkness is closing in and we will never see the light again. Sometimes we grieve by weeping and wailing and crying out to God. Sometimes we keep our emotions hidden, appearing as though nothing happened at all. We may feel isolated as though no one understands or cares about our pain. But even in the darkness, God walks with us.
What emotions did you experience the last time you grieved? Did you feel alone? Thank Him for being with you always. Did you feel angry or betrayed? Thank Him for hearing your cries of pain and frustration. Were you overcome by intense sadness? Thank Him for being near to the brokenhearted. When Lazarus died, Jesus wept even though He knew that Lazarus would live again. In your grief, the God of all comfort weeps with you. He promises to walk with you, even in the darkest of valleys.
Encourage the teens to ask a family member to share about someone special who has died. They can then share what they have learned about the stages of grief.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
As the students arrive, ask if any of them were able to comfort someone who was hurting. Invite them to share their stories with others. Remind them not to use names or details, just general descriptions of the situations.
When you are ready to begin class, have the students stand shoulder to shoulder in a long line. Each teen will stand with her arms tightly at her sides and her knees, ankles, and feet touching. The teens cannot move their arms or their feet. Stand at 1 end of the line and explain the activity.
I will gently push the person at this end of the line. Let’s see what happens. Remember, you cannot move your hands or your feet.
Gently push the shoulder of the student at the end of the line so he is off-balance, but do not push hard enough to push him over. Be sure to push in the direction of the line—so that his shoulder will push the shoulder of the person next to him, causing that person to be off-balance. Repeat the game a few times and have the students move to different places in the line so they can see that the people at the end of the line become more off-balance than the people at the beginning of the line.
What happened to our line is similar to what happens when we grieve. When you lose someone or something important to you, it is natural to grieve. Grief is like a wave in the ocean—always moving and always changing. The pain and sadness can knock us off-balance. They may make us feel unsteady and unsure. We struggle to get back to normal. Sometimes we can feel normal for a short time, but then the next wave of grief hits.
Most of us cry and express our emotions at first, but as time goes on we may hide our emotions. But that does not make them go away. They are just hidden from others. Holding on to painful emotions by hiding them is unhealthy. We may seem fine to others, so they do not try to help us. In reality, hiding our grief often hurts us because we are not healing to be healthy today and in the future.
People experience grief for many different reasons. Grief may be felt at the death of a family member or friend. People also grieve because of the loss of health or ability, such as when a person finds out he has HIV/AIDS or loses an arm. Missed opportunities and financial losses can also cause grief. People may grieve because they are unable to reach an important goal or cannot receive something they have been praying for, such as never being able to have children. All of these are very common reasons for grief.
Grief is a very personal thing. What I grieve may not cause you to grieve. What you find a great loss may not affect someone else at all. It is important to respect each person’s grief.
Whatever the cause, grief is a normal response to hurt and loss. Everyone experiences grief at different times in life. We grieve in healthy ways when we try to understand our feelings and allow ourselves to go through the grieving process. But when we do not allow ourselves to grieve in healthy ways, we may get stuck in our pain and have a hard time healing from our loss.
Divide the students into groups of 4. Share the following information with them, and then ask them to discuss the situations in their groups.
There are stages of grief that most people go through. You may go through them in any order, and you may experience these stages more than once as you heal. All of these stages are a normal part of the process. I will tell you about each stage. Then I will ask you some questions to talk about in your groups.
The first thing to do when you experience a loss is to name your grief. State to yourself, others, and God what you have lost. Naming your grief helps you understand what it is you lost. This may sound obvious, but often we do not fully stop to grieve. Instead, we try to go on with life as though the loss did not happen. This can cause us to hold on to painful things and not heal.
Denial and Isolation—In this stage of grief, the person feels shocked by the loss or cannot believe it is true. Some people may try to avoid being with others because they do not want to talk about or hear about the situation that caused the grief.
Listen to this situation.
As the students talk, listen to different groups and guide them to think of practical ideas. If they do not mention them, suggest being patient, offering comfort, listening without offering solutions, or sharing about how God is with the person.
The Bible offers us help when we are in denial. Listen to what Jesus said to His disciples just before He died, when He knew they would soon be experiencing grief.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27
Anger or Resentment—In this stage of grief, the person becomes angry and blames someone else for causing the grief—maybe even God. When people go through this stage of grief, they may say things that are surprising or hurtful. People need to express their frustration and work through this part of the grieving process.
If the students do not mention the following ideas, suggest listening to the person without telling him not to be angry, sharing their own experiences of being angry when grieving, helping the person to find healthy ways to express the anger, or praying for this person.
When we are angry or resentful about a loss, we may feel as though we are alone in our suffering. We feel that our lives are harder than others or that we are the only ones suffering. But we are never alone. The Bible promises us that God hears our cries. Listen to this verse from Psalms.
When I am in distress, I call to you, because you answer me.
Psalm 86:7
Bargaining—In this stage, the person often talks to God and tries to offer something in return for making the bad thing that is happening go away.
If the students need help, suggest that they can listen with kindness and compassion and remind the person of the value of her own life.
Pain, death, and loss are hard. They hurt. We may wish the bad things would happen to us instead of those we care about. We might think that we know what is good for us or our loved ones more than God does. But the Bible tells us that God knows all things and we can trust Him always.
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!
Romans 11:33
Guide the students to understand that they can trust God in all things, including the bad things that happen in their lives.
Depression—A person who is experiencing depression may feel there is no purpose in life. This person loses interest in most things in life. Almost everyone who has experienced loss goes through depression.
Here are some ideas you can suggest if the students do not: exercising, doing things with the person, sharing jokes or memories that make the person smile and laugh, or reminding the person of the good things in her life. Remind the students that they should seek the help of a pastor or other trusted adult if the person’s depression keeps her from completing her daily activities or taking care of herself.
The Bible does not promise that bad things will not happen or that we will not be hurt or experience grief. Actually, Jesus told His disciples that they would experience difficult things in life. Let’s hear what He said.
If you are using the Memory Verse Poster, show it to the students.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33
Acceptance—In this stage, the person accepts the loss and realizes that it cannot be changed. This does not mean that the pain has been forgotten or that it may not continue to hurt. But it does show that the person is beginning to heal. Listen to this final situation.
Acceptance of the loss means that you are beginning to heal. But remember the waves we talked about at the beginning of class? Do not feel disappointed or frustrated if the grief comes back. Sometimes something will remind you of your loss, and the grief can come back again. But usually with each wave of grief, it is a little shorter and a little easier than the time before. Through it all, you can seek the comfort of God. Listen to this verse.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 Corinthians 1:3–4
Finally, it is important to give yourself time to grieve. Here are some ideas that may help express the loss when you or someone else is grieving.
Have the students stand shoulder to shoulder as they did at the beginning of class. Their arms should be at their sides, their feet should be together, and their shoulders should be touching.
Grief touches all of our lives. When we lose someone or something we value or love, it is painful. It can cause us to hurt for a long time. And when someone we care about is grieving, that can hurt too because we hurt for the other person’s loss. So what can you do to help yourself or others?
One of the best things to do when you are grieving is to share it with others. You do not have to grieve alone. You do not have to share your grief with everyone or in a way that makes you uncomfortable. But when you have someone you trust that you can talk and cry with, someone who will listen to your anger and comfort you, that person can help you as you heal.
Have the students put their arms around each other’s shoulders as a way of showing they will offer and receive comfort. Then gently push the shoulder of the person at the end of the line as you did at the beginning of the lesson. This time, the students should not get as off-balance because they are supporting each other.
When you are hurting, seek the comfort and support of people you trust. They can help you to grieve in healthy ways that will help you to heal.
Turn to the person on your right and share 1 thing you learned about healthy grieving.
Now turn to the person on your left and share 1 thing you can do to comfort someone who is grieving.
When you are grieving, God is with you. No matter how much you are hurting, He will comfort you. He walks with you always.
Optional: If you are using the Student Page, give the students time to complete it.
Close your time with a blessing over your students based on Psalm 30:11:
Blessing: May the God of all comfort turn your mourning into dancing and clothe you with joy. May you know His love and healing in your times of grief.
Lead the students in singing this quarter’s song, if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
