During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us— whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
1 John 5:14–15
Someone says something to you and you immediately become angry. Have you ever thought to ask yourself why that person’s words made you so angry? It could be because her words made you afraid or feel shameful. Our anger is often a reaction to a deeper emotion. These deeper emotions control our hearts, and we react in anger. God does not want our emotions to rule us. He promises to hear us when we ask for His help.
This week, ask God to show you any deeper emotions that control your heart and cause you to react in anger. Practice naming the emotions as you feel them. Use “I feel” statements to communicate your strong emotions to yourself. For example, you might say, “I feel afraid, and that is causing my anger” or “I feel shame, and that is causing my anger.” You can confidently ask God for help. He is faithful, and He is with you! As you learn to understand your own emotions, God will help you to teach the children to understand their emotions.
Let the families know that their children are learning the second step to managing anger. This is to name their feelings. Encourage the children to share what they learn with their families.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
As the children enter class today, give them high fives. Ask them to share with another student something good that happened to them last week.
Last week we learned the first step in managing anger.
Who can tell me what it is?
If none of the children remember, tell them that it is to stop and calm down.
Who can show me the motions we learned?
Have the children join you in doing the motions for stop and calm down.
Did you stop and calm down when you started to feel angry this week? If so, what did you do to help calm yourself down?
Allow 2 children to share their stories. Be ready to share an experience of your own.
This question is a little more difficult. Did you let anger control you last week instead of you controlling it? Is anyone brave enough to share what happened?
If no one wants to share, that is okay. Sometimes asking difficult questions challenges children to think and grow, even if they do not share out loud.
Last week we learned that anger itself is not bad. God created us to feel all emotions, including anger. Anger warns us that something is wrong or that someone is being mistreated. Sadly, people often react to their anger in ways that hurt themselves or others. We can use anger in a positive way when we learn to manage it.
Let’s learn more about anger and anger management by reading Bible verses from the book of Proverbs. Proverbs are wise sayings that can help us live good and godly lives.
Divide the children into 4 groups. Give each group one of the proverbs that you cut out before class. Explain that each group will create a skit to show the rest of the class what their proverb is. Each group will choose 1 child to read their proverb out loud to the class. The rest of the group will act it out.
Give the groups about 2 minutes to prepare. Then have groups present their proverbs for the class. Creating and presenting the skits should only take about 10 minutes. The proverbs are printed here for your reference:
Foolish people let their anger run wild. But wise people keep themselves under control.
Proverbs 29:11, NIrV
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
Proverbs 22:24–25For as churning cream produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood so stirring up anger produces strife.
Proverbs 30:33
Ask the children to sit down to talk about the skits.
What did these proverbs teach you about anger and how to manage it?
Allow children to share their ideas.
Did you notice any connections in these proverbs to our first step to manage anger, stopping and calming down?
Allow children to share their ideas. Some children may notice that Proverb 29:11 says, “Wise people keep themselves under control.” We must stop and calm down in order to keep under control when we are angry. Some may notice Proverbs 15:1, which says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” When someone makes us angry, we can more easily answer them with gentle words if we have stopped and calmed down first.
Today we will learn more about how to manage our anger. The first step is to stop and calm down. The second step is to say what you are feeling. Let’s learn some motions to help us remember this second step.
Teach children motions for Step 2. Ask them to do these motions every time you say, “Say what you are feeling” during the lesson.
Say what you are feeling: Place both hands next to your mouth and move them forward as though they are words leaving your mouth. Then place both hands over your heart to show what you are feeling.
God feels every emotion, and God created us in His image. Therefore, He created us to feel every emotion too. Our emotions are very powerful and very real. They can also be very helpful. Emotions can tell us what is happening in our hearts. If we do not recognize when we are angry, we cannot take steps to manage our anger. When we recognize what emotion we are feeling, we can take steps to manage it. That is why it is so important to recognize and say what you are feeling!
Pause for children to do the Step 2 motions.
We cannot manage our emotions well if we do not recognize what we are feeling. It is important to recognize that you are angry.
Once you realize you are angry, you can think about why you are angry. Anger is usually not the first emotion that we feel, but it is often the one that we express on the outside. We almost always feel a deeper emotion that causes our anger. When we start to feel angry, we can ask ourselves what emotion we felt first. Listen as I read some of the emotions that we feel that will make us feel angry. Raise your hand if you have ever felt this emotion.
Now you can say what you are feeling. You can say to yourself, “I am scared and angry.” If possible, tell the other person what you are feeling and why. Often it also helps to say what you want to happen. For example, “I am angry and I want you to stop hitting me.” Sometimes this is not possible or safe at that moment. If that is the situation, once you are in a safe place, name your feelings to yourself and to God.
If you are angry because of something someone else did, if it is safe, it is good to tell that person how you feel when you are both calm. It may seem easier to pretend that you never felt angry. But this can do more damage to the situation and to your relationship with the other person. It is important to express your feelings!
Let’s go through these 2 steps together.
When we do not manage our anger, we may do things that hurt ourselves and others. Remember that we can hurt others through physical actions as well as through our words.
Saying what we are feeling helps us understand why we are angry. When we understand why we are angry, we can choose to ask God to help us so we do not hurt ourselves and others.
Let’s listen to a parable from the Bible that Jesus told. There are 2 brothers in this parable. I want you to listen carefully to how the older brother responds to his anger. Ask yourself if he manages his anger well.
Optional: If possible, share the image from The Action Bible.
There was a man who had 2 sons. The younger son asked his father for his share of his father’s money and property. This son took the money and went to a distant country. There he spent all the money living a wild, ungodly life. Now poor, the younger son got a job feeding a farmer’s pigs. He was hungry enough to eat the pig’s food.
When he came to his senses, he thought about his father’s servants, who always had more than enough to eat. He decided to return to his father’s house, ask for forgiveness, and ask his father to make him a servant in his house.
When his father saw him he was filled with compassion. He ran to his son and gave him a very big hug! Then the father told his servants to give the son his best robe, sandals, and a ring. The father told them to kill the fattest calf so they could have a feast and celebrate that his younger son had returned home.
Meanwhile, the older son was working in the field. When he returned to the house, he heard the music and dancing and asked a servant what was happening. The servant told him that his younger brother had returned home and his father was celebrating his return with a feast.
How do you think the older son responded when he heard this news?
Allow children to share their ideas.
The older brother responded in anger. Let’s listen to what he said:
If possible, read Luke 15:28–29 from your Bible. It is also printed here.
The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, “Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends.
Luke 15:28–29
What emotion do you think the older brother was feeling that caused him to be angry?
The older brother may have felt jealous or frustrated.
Why do you think he felt that way?
The older brother may have felt that his father treated him unfairly. He may have felt that his younger brother did not deserve a party.
Do you think the older brother recognized what he was feeling? Why or why not?
If the older brother had done the first 2 steps in managing anger, how do you think his reaction would have been different?
Allow the children to answer with how they think things may have been different.
Optional, if you have time:
If you have time, tell children the story of Akuchi, a girl who did not manage her anger well.
Now I will tell you a modern-day story about a girl named Akuchi. Akuchi’s mother was sick and could not take care of her. Akuchi’s older sister said that as soon as she found a job, she would let Akuchi live with her. However, after the older sister had been working for several months, she still had not invited Akuchi to live with her.
One day, Akuchi’s sister came to visit her. Akuchi was hoping this would be the day her sister took her home to live with her. However, her sister said that she was living with several other people, and there was no room for Akuchi.
Akuchi began to feel very angry. Her sister reached to comfort Akuchi, but Akuchi pushed her away. Then Akuchi ignored her sister for the rest of the visit.
Her sister became angry because Akuchi was ignoring her. She left, and Akuchi did not know if she would ever come back. Akuchi was so angry she started hitting her own shoulder as hard as she could. The pain in her shoulder kept her from thinking of the pain inside her.
What emotions do you think Akuchi felt when her sister said there was no room for her?
Children may answer sad, disappointed, alone, hopeless, betrayed, or rejected.
When Akuchi started to feel angry, what did she do?
If Akuchi had done the first 2 steps of anger management, how do you think her actions would have been different? How do you think the story may have ended?
End Option
You might think that expressing your feelings is an easy thing to do, but it is not. When you start to feel angry, it is easy to forget the anger management steps and react in a way that hurts others and yourself. Therefore, it is important to practice the steps when you are not angry. Let’s practice them now.
Tell the children to find partners. If you have an uneven number of children, there can be a group of 3 children.
I will read a situation. You will imagine that you are in that situation and turn to your partner and say how you would feel in that situation. You might say something simple, such as “I feel angry.” Or you might say something such as “I feel scared and angry.”
Remember that no one can manage anger well on his own. It is too hard! But God wants to help us. When you feel anger this week, ask God to help you manage it. If you do not know what you are feeling, ask Him. He will help you know.
If you are using the Memory Verse Poster, show it to the students.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
Optional: If you are using the Student Pages, this week’s page includes a list of feeling words that can help your children say what they are feeling when they become angry.
Close class by praying this blessing based on Proverbs 29:11 over the children:
Blessing: God cares deeply about you. He knows you will feel anger, and He wants to help you control your anger. With God’s help, may you recognize when you feel angry and say what you are feeling!
Lead the children in singing this quarter’s song, if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
