During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
Our God is a God who strengthens and encourages you. May he give you the same attitude toward one another that Christ Jesus had. Then you can give glory to God with one mind and voice. He is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Romans 15:5–6
God strengthens and encourages you! When you have a positive attitude toward others, you glorify God. Living in peace brings beautiful benefits. Being at peace strengthens your spirit and fills it with joy. Additionally, others will notice your desire to work through problems peacefully rather than fight. That brings God glory. If you do this, your life will demonstrate God’s peace.
God wants you to be a peacemaker by seeking to prevent conflicts. When you do disagree with someone, He wants you to resolve the conflict with calm words. Selfishly seeking fights simply to prove you are correct and someone else is wrong is not pleasing to God. When you disagree with someone, you control what you will say and how you will react. To help you make good decisions, ask yourself 3 questions. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If you let Him, God will help you use peaceful words and actions. Praise God for helping us agree with one another!
Let your students’ families know that the children are learning how to resolve fights. Encourage them to help their children make a plan to resolve their next fight in a peaceful way.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
Greet your children by name as they come to class. Ask them how their week was and listen carefully to the answer. Modelling good listening will encourage the children to be good listeners as well.
Raise your hand if you have ever been in a fight with someone. Everyone has! Did you know that you can fight with both your words and your actions? Arguing with someone and saying mean words is one way we fight. Hitting, punching, kicking, and doing other mean actions to someone is another way we fight.
We fight about many different things because it is hard to agree all the time. Do you fight with some people more than others? Maybe you fight with your brothers more than your friends. Maybe you fight with your sisters more than your brothers. Whoever you fight with, it is important to know that God has a peaceful way for us to handle our strong emotions.
Have the children stand in a big circle. Count out 4 children and ask them to sit where they are in a small circle with their knees touching. Continue making groups until all the children are sitting in small circles, scattered around your teaching space.
In a moment, I will clap a rhythm. Each time I clap, 1 child in each group will put his arm out straight so his hand is in the middle of his circle. The first time I clap, the first child will put his hand in the middle. On the second clap, the child on his right will put her hand on top of the first child’s hand. You will add hands into the circle until I say, “Stop!” Once everyone in the group has 1 hand in the middle, you will add your other hands.
Clap a slow and steady rhythm. Say, “Stop!” after 3 claps.
Keep your hands together in the middle of the circle. If your hand is on top of the pile, share with your group something you might fight about.
Pause for the children with their hands on top to share. Then begin to clap again.
As I clap, add more hands to the middle of your circle. When I say, “Stop,” the next person with a hand on top will share what he might fight about.
Clap 3 times and say, “Stop!” Pause to allow children to share in their groups. Repeat the activity until all the children in each group have shared.
You may have argued about something even during this activity. Did any group fight about whose hand was on the top of the stack when I stopped clapping?
Pause to allow 2–3 children to respond.
Sometimes we fight about things that are not important. Fighting causes us to throw away things. You can throw away a friendship when you fight. Your friends might not want to continue being your friend if you fight all the time.
Lead the children to do the motion of throwing something. Say together, “You throw away friendships.”
Fighting can cause you to throw away the chance to do what God wants. You do not show God’s love and peace when you fight.
Lead the children to do the motion of throwing something. Say together, “You throw away God’s love and peace.”
God does not want you to fight with others. He wants you to live in peace with others. It makes God happy when you are peaceful.
Have children stay in their small groups for the next part of the lesson.
Some of you might be thinking about a fight you have had. Raise your hand if you have been in a fight with someone. (Pause) Everyone here has had a fight with someone using words or actions at some time.
Think of a time when you had a fight with someone. In your groups, answer these questions. Please do not name the person who you had a fight with.
Allow the children 1–2 minutes to answer each of the following questions in their groups.
When you fight, many of you probably use your actions—you hit, punch, kick, push, and bite. Some of you might say mean words or argue about things using loud voices. Answer these questions in your groups.
Pause briefly after each question to allow the children to answer. Give groups 2 minutes to answer the last question.
Fighting hurts other people. Think about the Do Not rules you learned a few weeks ago. The rules are: Do not hurt yourself. Do not hurt others. Do not hurt property. It is not respectful to hurt other people. The Bible talks about how we should treat others.
Read these verses directly from your Bible.
Don’t do anything only to get ahead. Don’t do it because you are proud. Instead, be humble. Value others more than yourselves. None of you should look out just for your own good. Each of you should also look out for the good of others.
Philippians 2:3–4
Some of you may think, “Wait a minute! If I cannot fight, how can I show my friends that I am part of the group? They will think I am not strong! I cannot let them think I am weak!”
Do you know what? It takes more strength to decide not to fight than it does to fight. It is true that punching or hitting someone until he is very badly hurts takes strength. However, you are sure to lose if he punches or hits harder than you. If you keep yourself from punching or hitting someone, you are using self-control. This takes a lot of strength. Self-control is a type of strength no one can take from you.
Rather than solving your problems with others by fighting, you can talk through them. This verse from the Bible can help you understand what to do when you are angry at someone and want to fight.
If your brother or sister sins against you, go to them. Tell them what they did wrong. Keep it between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them back.
Matthew 18:15
This verse says that you should tell the person who has done something wrong what you think he has done wrong. You need to tell the truth. You also need to use kind words to talk to the person who did something wrong. By speaking the truth and being kind, you are doing what God wants.
Let’s practice talking instead of fighting. Pretend your friend just told everyone you were bad at football so that no one would want you to play on their team. You are angry because you really like playing football and you want to be on a team.
You could tell him it makes you angry when he says you are bad at football. You may say to him that you do not like when he tells the other children things about you that are not kind.
If the person who lied to everyone says he is sorry, thank him and tell him how this makes you feel. Try to forgive your friend. You and your friend will both feel better if you can forgive him for what he did.
Allow children 2–3 minutes to respond in their groups.
The Bible tells us what we can do.
Every matter must be proved by the words of two or three witnesses.
Matthew 18:16b
A witness is someone who has seen something happen. Sometimes, when you are angry, it is good to stop for a moment and see what has happened from another point of view. If other people watched the fight, you could ask them to tell you what they saw you do and what they saw your friend do. It may be that they saw something you did not see while you were part of the fight.
Let’s return to the football fight. You decide to ask someone else to tell you what she saw happen to cause your fight. She tells you that you started the fight when you teased your friend and told him that he would be the last person chosen for a team.
I will tell my friend I am sorry for being mean. I will tell him that while he made me sad and angry, I know I made him sad and angry first.
By saying you are sorry to your friend, you will keep a fight from happening. You will also feel better about the situation if you know you are doing something good. When choosing the words to use to speak to your friend, be careful to use kind words. If what you are about to say would not make what is happening better, then do not say it. It is not necessary.
When you are about to get into a fight with your words or actions, here are 3 questions to ask yourself about what you are saying. Repeat the questions as I read them.
If you cannot answer yes to all 3 of these questions, then what you want to say probably does not need to be said because it could cause a fight.
Let’s play a game to practice what we just learned. Stand up in your groups. Turn so you can see me. Form a line side by side with your group so that you touch elbows with the children standing next to you. You will stay in your lines for our game.
Let’s listen to a story about 2 boys who fight. You will decide what the boys did and did not do that was true, kind, and necessary.
Optional Supplies: If you are using the True, Kind, and Necessary signs, print the page and cut the signs apart. Spread them out on the ground at the front of your teaching space. Have the children walk toward these for the following activity.
As I read the story, I will pause. If you hear something 1 boy does that is true, kind, or necessary, take a step forward. If you hear something that is not true, kind, or necessary, take a step back. I will step with you.
Gilbert is walking home from the market when his friend Phillip comes over with his football. Phillip asks Gilbert to play with him. Gilbert wants to bring home the food he bought, so he says, “I cannot play with you now, Phillip.” (Pause and step forward).
Yes, he needed to bring his food home.
Phillip kicks his football into Gilbert’s food, knocking it onto the ground. (Pause and step back.)
No.
Gilbert runs after Phillip and takes his football. (Pause and step back.)
No. Gilbert could have used his words and told Phillip how he felt instead of taking the football.
Gilbert screams, “You are not my friend! You are the worst person ever! How could you ruin my food?” (Pause and step back.)
Phillip stops. He breathes in while he counts slowly to 3. (Pause and step forward.)
“I am sorry I kicked my football into your food,” Phillip says. “Let me help you pick it up.” (Pause and step forward.)
He stopped and calmed down. He apologized to his friend for kicking the football into Gilbert’s groceries.
Pause to allow children to answer either in their groups or as a class.
When we fight, we use words or actions that are not kind. The Bible tells us to do our best to not fight. Listen to this verse:
If possible, live in peace with everyone. Do that as much as you can.
Romans 12:18
Optional: If you are using Student Pages, have the children draw and colour pictures showing how they will respond to conflicts with others.
If possible, share the Memory Verse poster as you read the verse from your Bible.
Let’s practice our memory verse and the actions. As we say the verse, try to do the motions for it if you remember them.
Let the words you speak always be full of grace. Learn how to make your words what people want to hear. Then you will know how to answer everyone.
Colossians 4:6
Repeat the verse with its actions 3 times.
Speak—Put both hands by your mouth and pretend to pull something from it.
Full—Raise your hands in front of you like you are filling something up.
Make—Cup your hands as though an imaginary ball is between them. Rotate the imaginary ball in your hands.
Hear—Pull on 1 ear.
Know—Tap a finger to the side of your forehead.
Everyone—Sweep your arm from side to side to point to everyone.
End class by speaking this blessing, based on Philippians 2:3–4, over the children.
Blessing: May you be thoughtful and humble in the way you solve problems. May you put others before yourself as you control your anger.
If you have time, share this song with your children to celebrate how great God is!
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
