During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Exodus 20:12
God’s fifth commandment sounds simple: “Honour your father and your mother.” After all, obeying our parents is not only biblical—it is also practical. When we are children, we obey to avoid consequences. As adults, our relationship with our parents change, though we still seek to honour. The word “honour,” as it is used in the Bible, means to give weight to something or someone. In practical terms, this means to be respectful in our words, actions, and attitudes. Honour is given because of someone’s position, not because of that person’s choices or character. This is the honour God asks us to show to our parents.
Some parents may be easy to honour as they are honourable people of integrity. But what if our parents hurt, abused, or abandoned us? While we may still honour outwardly, what is happening in our hearts? Do we harbour anger or resentment? The Lord does not ask us to honour the wrongs done to us. Yet He wants us to show honour to them as those He has placed as parents over us. He wants sincere honour that is true in our hearts.
Ask Him to show you if there is anything in your heart or thoughts that dishonours your parents. Ask Him to help you honour them through your words, actions, and attitudes. As you honour your parents, you are also honouring God (Colossians 3:20).
Encourage the students to honour their family members by sharing the qualities they like and admire about them.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
Greet your students warmly. As they arrive, ask them about a favourite family memory. Be sensitive to those who have difficult home situations. Remind each teen that this group is like the best kind of family, one where everyone is loved, accepted, and honoured.
After everyone has arrived, divide them into groups of 3, which will be families. In each group, 2 students will be the “parents” and will face each other and hold hands. The third student in each group will be the “child” and will stand inside the loop made by the other 2 players’ arms. Pick 1–3 volunteers who will not start in any family group.
Tell the class that the volunteers who are not in a family group will take turns yelling, “Parents,” “Children,” or “Families.” If a volunteer yells, “Parents,” the “parents” will let go of each other’s hands and join hands with different parents. The children will stay where they are. The new parents will form a new family by holding hands around a child.
Each time the families break up, the volunteers will try to become part of a family. Any student who is not able to join a family will become a new volunteer. Play for 5–7 minutes. After the game, ask the students to sit down.
Students may answer that they felt like they belonged, that they were surrounded and protected, or that they felt trapped.
Students may answer that they felt included and like they were part of the group.
Students may answer that they felt excluded and wanted to be part of a family group.
Most of us want to be part of a family. We want to feel loved and cared for. Unfortunately, many families are not caring and loving, and many people do not have families. But all of us have some type of family. We live with a mother and father, just a mother, just a father, aunts and uncles, or grandparents. And this class is also a type of family where we care for and respect and honour each other. Today we will learn more about honouring our parents or those who care for us.
In the Old Testament, God gave His people instructions for living. Even though they were written a long time ago, these instructions are still important for us today. Ten of these instructions are found in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5—they are commonly called the 10 Commandments. We will read 1 of these commandments.
If possible, share the image from The Action Bible as you teach the lesson.
Have a student read Exodus 20:12 aloud from the Bible.
Show the Memory Verse poster if you are using it.
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Exodus 20:12
Allow 2–3 students to share their thoughts for each question.
Honouring our parents means showing them respect in our words, actions, and attitudes. In the Bible, the word “honour” means to “revere, prize, and value.” Honouring our parents means valuing their position of authority. We will learn more about how to honour our parents, even when it is difficult.
Divide students into groups of 3–5.
Let’s talk about different kinds of families. Maybe you have a wonderful family with parents who love God and each other. Or maybe you do not have a good relationship with your parents. Maybe you do not even know one of your parents because he died or is not a part of your life for some other reason. Maybe you live with another relative or friend and do not have a relationship with either parent. In all these family situations, God wants you to honour those who care for you. Honouring others helps you have healthy relationships and helps you learn valuable qualities, such as self-control, forgiveness, patience, and understanding.
Remember when we learned about Ruth? Though she was a widow young enough to remarry in her homeland of Moab, Ruth followed her mother-in-law to Israel to take care of her.
Ask a student to read Ruth 1:16–17 aloud from the Bible.
But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
Ruth 1:16–17
If possible, show the students the images from The Action Bible.
Have the students discuss the next 2 questions in their groups.
Ruth promised to stay with Naomi. She promised to go with her, live with her, and even take her people as her own. She said she would worship the One True God and said God could strike her dead if she did not keep her promise to stay with and care for Naomi. She cared for Naomi and spoke to her respectfully. She loved Naomi. She honoured Naomi with her behaviour and her attitude.
Ruth treated Naomi with respect because she was part of her family. Later, after Ruth married Boaz, she continued to honour and take care of Naomi, her former mother-in-law. God honoured Ruth by giving her a son who was an ancestor of Jesus.
Many students will probably say to obey them and be respectful to them.
You can honour your parents by obeying them. Speaking respectfully to your parents and having a respectful attitude toward them are also ways to honour them. But you can also honour your parents by not complaining about them, criticizing them, or harming their reputations. Sometimes you may honour your parents outwardly but inside your attitudes are dishonourable. God wants you to honour in your heart and thoughts too!
Honouring does not mean that you cannot speak the truth. For example, if your parent drinks alcohol or beats family members, it is okay to tell a trusted adult, “It is difficult at home, and I am afraid because my father beats us when he is drunk.” Even if you are angry with your father, it is not honouring to say, “My father is a no-good drunk who beats his family and hates us!”
Sometimes it may be difficult to honour your parents. When you disagree with them, you may not want to do what they say. When they behave in ways that are not worthy of respect, you may want to be disrespectful to them. When they are unkind or hurtful to you, you may want to defy them. When they abandon or reject you, you may want to do the same thing to them. But you can honour God by honouring them, even when you think they do not deserve it.
Allow students to express their thoughts.
Honouring your parents does not mean you have to do something you know is wrong, such as stealing or other wrong things. If you are in a situation that is unsafe or you are being asked to do illegal or wrong things, you should talk to a trusted adult. You do not have to do something that is illegal or wrong. If you are asked or told to do something that dishonours God, it is better to honour God than man.
The Bible gives us an example of a son who still honoured a father who asked him to do something very wrong. Do you remember the story of David and King Saul? After David killed Goliath and became a great warrior, the people of Israel grew to love him. This made Saul jealous, so he planned to kill David.
But David had a very good friend, Jonathan, who was Saul’s son. Saul told Jonathan about his plan to kill David. Jonathan had to decide how to honour his father, honour his friend, and honour God.
Allow 3–4 students to share their thoughts.
Let’s read what happened from the Bible.
Have a student read 1 Samuel 19:1–5 aloud from the Bible. If that is not possible, it is printed here for you.
Saul told his son Jonathan and all the attendants to kill David. But Jonathan had taken a great liking to David and warned him, “My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there. I will go out and stand with my father in the field where you are. I’ll speak to him about you and will tell you what I find out.” Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly. … Why then would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?”
1 Samuel 19:1–5
He spoke to his father respectfully and told the truth. He did not yell at his father or do anything to hurt him. He honoured his father by trying to prevent him from sinning.
He told David about Saul’s plan to kill him and helped him to stay safe.
He did what was right and honourable for both his father and David.
Jonathan found a solution that honoured his father, his friend, and God. He told the truth, even though it was difficult, and he spoke in a respectful way. When you stand for what is right and honour God, you are honouring your parents. If you find yourself in a difficult situation like Jonathan, remember that your statement of truth may help your parent to make a better choice, as it did for Jonathan. But being truthful can be difficult in some situations. If you need help or feel that you are in danger, you should tell a trusted adult who can pray with you and work with you to find a solution.
Sometimes it is not easy to honour your parents, especially when they hurt you or make you angry. God wants you to honour your parents no matter what they do or how you feel about them. If your parents are godly parents, it may be easy to honour them, even if you do not agree with them. However, if your parents have hurt or left you, you may want to hurt them like they hurt you. But this does not show honour to them, and it does not help you. Most importantly, it does honour God.
Listen to David’s words from Psalm 19:14.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14
Regardless of whether you have parents who treat you with love and honour or parents who have hurt you in some way, you can honour God and your parents with your words and actions. Here are some things that might help you show honour to your parents.
Think about your parents’ positive qualities. When they have hurt you or made poor choices, this might not be easy to do. But if you think about the good things they do or the honourable choices they make, it will be easier to be respectful and honour them.
Think about the consequences of dishonouring your parents. For example, if your mother is angry and yells at you because you tore your shirt, what will happen if you lie to her and tell her it is your brother’s fault? What will happen if you tell the truth, apologize, and offer to help her mend it?
Remember that sometimes you make mistakes and poor choices too. Forgiving your parents helps you to live peacefully with them and allows you to let go of some of the pain in the relationship. God loves your parents as much as He loves you. He wants what is best for you and for them. Honouring your parents honours God.
Think of a quality that make your parents special. You might think about their talents or strengths or something simple like they way they smile or tousle your hair. You may be thankful for the good food your mother makes or admire the way your father knows how to fix the car tyre or repair the radio. You might think about good memories you have with them, even if there are not many. If you do not have parents, think about the people who care for you and their good qualities.
Optional Supplies: Give paper and a pencil to each student. Ask them to write a letter to their parents sharing what they are thankful for. If you are using the Student Pages, the students can write the letter on these pages.
Have each student share a positive quality about a parent with a partner or with the whole group. Invite them to thank God for these positive qualities in prayer. Give students time to think and pray quietly. Then close your time with a blessing based on Psalm 19:14:
Blessing: May God give you the grace to honour your parents when they are good parents and even when they have caused you hurt, shame, or sorrow. May the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart honour God.
Lead the teens in singing this quarter’s song, if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
