During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
The tongue has the power of life and death.
Proverbs 18:21
You have probably experienced it—words have the power to destroy and the power to heal. Think of specific times in your life when other people’s words wounded you. How did those words affect you? How did they make you feel about yourself? Do those words still sting? Ask God to help you hear His words of life. Look through the Bible—God’s Word. Allow Him to lead you to verses of truth and healing.
Now think of specific times when someone’s words gave you life—maybe they were words of encouragement, love, or gratitude. How did these words affect you? How did God use words to help you heal or grow? Spend a few moments praising God for those life-giving words. As you prepare for this lesson, remember that many of the children in your class have been deeply hurt by words. When they push your patience, ask God to give you self-control so that His words of life flow from your mouth.
Let the families of your students know that this week the children are learning about speaking with self-control. Encourage them to talk with their children about the power of words. They can share about a time when someone’s words hurt them and another time when someone’s words helped them.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
As your children arrive, ask them how they showed self-control this week. Thank them for sharing. Encourage them for the ways they showed self-control.
Allow several children to answer.
Call on 1–2 children. If needed, remind children that self-control is choosing to say and do the right thing even when we do not feel like it.
Daniel showed self-control when he followed God’s way and refused to eat the king’s food. God was with Daniel and gave him strength.
Today we will learn about speaking with self-control. Let’s start with an activity that shows us how powerful words are. I am going to read several very different statements. Pay attention to how each statement makes you feel.
Read the following statements slowly and with a lot of expression:
Statement 1: Today is a terrible day! I wish I did not have to teach you today.
Statement 2: Today is a wonderful day! I am very thankful to be here with you.
Allow 2–3 children to share their thoughts. If needed, read statement 1 again.
Allow 2–3 children to share their thoughts. If needed, read statement 2 again.
Read the next 2 statements slowly and with a lot of expression.
Statement 1: You are just stupid. It does not matter how hard you try. You will never be a good student!
Statement 2: It is challenging to learn, but you are smart and a hard worker. You are getting better every day!
Allow 2–3 children to share their thoughts. If needed, read statement 1 again.
Allow 2–3 children to share their thoughts. If needed, read statement 2 again.
Read the final set of 2 statements slowly and with a lot of expression.
Statement 1: You are a bad child. You always get into trouble. You should be more like your sister!
Statement 2: You are special and unique. You have joy and energy everywhere you go. I am glad you are here!
Allow 2–3 children to share their thoughts. If needed, read statement 1 again.
Allow 2–3 children to share their thoughts. If needed, read statement 2 again.
The words we speak have a big impact on others! All of us have been affected in good ways and bad ways by other people’s words.
Allow a couple of children to share. Be sure that they only share what they felt, not who said it to them.
Allow the children to share from their lives. This is also a good time for you to share an example of how you have been impacted by someone’s positive or negative words.
Our words are powerful. We can use them to help and encourage others. That is what our words are meant to do. If we do not control our words, they damage and destroy others. At times when we are angry, hurt, afraid, or just not thinking, we can let our words hurt others.
We need self-control to help us control our words.
When we lose control of our emotions and speak words out of anger, frustration, pain, or bitterness, we can hurt other people on the inside. Wrong words can end a friendship or cause someone to do something terrible. They can bring pain to others for a very long time, sometimes even for the rest of their lives. Today we will read about a man in the Bible named Nehemiah who spoke with self-control, even when it may have been very difficult to do so.
Optional: If you are using The Action Bible, ask the children to quickly read the story on pages 513–515.
Share the background of today’s passage with the children.
Today we will hear a true story from the Bible about Nehemiah. Years before Nehemiah’s time, many Israelites lived in their capital city of Jerusalem. It was protected on all sides by tall, wide walls. But when the Babylonians conquered Jerusalem, they broke down the walls of the city. The Israelites who were not killed were taken to Babylon as slaves.
About 50 years later, some of God’s people returned to Jerusalem. But the city’s walls were not rebuilt for a long time—not until nearly 150 years after they had been destroyed! The Israelites who lived in the city felt unsafe. They had no protection from their enemies.
The Persians had conquered the Babylonians, and Nehemiah worked for the king of Persia. Nehemiah prayed to God, asking the Lord to make it possible for him to go to Jerusalem and rebuild the walls. Nehemiah was scared to ask the king to let him go to Jerusalem. The king might tell him “no,” or even punish him for asking. So Nehemiah prayed to God again, right while he was talking to the king, and then asked the king for permission to go to Jerusalem. The king said yes! He even sent some of his soldiers with Nehemiah to protect him on the journey. Nehemiah knew God would continue to answer his prayers. He knew God would give him and the Israelites strength to rebuild the walls.
Once Nehemiah arrived in the city, he examined the ruined wall to see what needed to be done to rebuild it. Listen to what Nehemiah said to the leaders of God’s people who were in Jerusalem.
Read Nehemiah 2:17–18 from your Bible. Show the Action Bible image of Nehemiah if possible.
Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace.” I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the king had said to me.
Nehemiah 2:17–18
As God’s people began to rebuild the wall, some non-Israelite officials who lived nearby felt threatened and became angry.
Choose 4 children to come up to the front and pretend to be characters in the story. Assign 1 child to be Nehemiah. Have him stand at the front of your teaching area. He should pretend to build a wall. Have the other 3 children stand a little away from the child playing Nehemiah. They will play the part of the 3 hostile officials. They should all act out the next part as you read it.
These non-Israelite officials mocked and ridiculed Nehemiah and the Israelites.
Show the Action Bible image of the mocking that happened.
Have each of the 3 officials shout 1 of the insults at Nehemiah. Be sure that they act like they are mocking him.
“What do you weak Israelites think you are doing?!”
“How do you expect those piles of rubble to become a wall again?!”
“If a small animal climbs on top of your wall, it will fall down!”
The volunteers should remain standing or sit quietly where they are.
Allow the children to share their ideas.
Let’s read in the Bible to find out how Nehemiah responded.
Read Nehemiah 2:19–20.
But when Sanballat the Horonite, Tobiah the Ammonite official and Geshem the Arab heard about it, they mocked and ridiculed us. “What is this you are doing?” they asked. “Are you rebelling against the king?” I answered them by saying, “The God of heaven will give us success. We his servants will start rebuilding, but as for you, you have no share in Jerusalem or any claim or historic right to it.”
Nehemiah 2:19–20
Nehemiah kept calm. He did not react in anger. Instead, he showed self-control. Nehemiah spoke with confidence. His response to ridicule brought honor to God. He told those ridiculing him that God would make him and his fellow Israelites successful. It did not matter what the officials said to try to discourage the builders. And Nehemiah was right! With God’s help, they rebuilt the wall in only 52 days!
Call on 2–3 children to share their ideas. They may answer that Nehemiah could have done something in his anger that he would have regretted. He could have hurt someone and been arrested or even killed. If Nehemiah had reacted in anger, he definitely would not have brought glory to God.
When someone says or does something that makes us angry, hurt, or scared, we can react out of that emotion or we can ask God to help us speak with self-control. Throughout the book of Nehemiah, we see Nehemiah praying about everything. He wanted to go to Jerusalem, so he prayed. He was scared while he was talking to the king, so he prayed. When the hostile officials made fun of him, he prayed. He took every situation and decision to God. As a result, God gave Nehemiah wisdom and helped him have self-control. When Nehemiah was ridiculed and mocked, he responded with words of God’s wisdom and self-control.
Allow the children to share their thoughts. Some might learn from Nehemiah that God can help them speak with self-control. They can pray to God about anything, just like Nehemiah did. And God will be there to help them. Some may also learn that they can glorify God with their words.
Let’s read a verse from the Bible that talks about the power of our words.
The tongue has the power of life and death.
Proverbs 18:21
Allow the children to share their ideas.
In this verse, “the tongue” refers to the words we speak. Words have a lot of power! Positive words can bring life, joy, and encouragement to people. Negative words can tear people down. They can make people sad or angry. Negative words can hurt or even destroy their hearts and emotions.
Speaking with self-control means we do not always say the first thing that enters our minds. When someone says something hurtful to us, we can use self-control by pausing to make the right choice and say the right words. Speaking with self-control means speaking words that bring life.
Allow the children to share their ideas. If needed, suggest these ideas: They can compliment people. If a person is funny, kind, or good at math, they can tell him. If someone is sad or discouraged, they can tell her that God loves her and she is special to Him. The phrases “thank you” and “I am sorry” are other examples of life-giving words.
Divide children into groups of 2–3. Explain that you will read several situations. After each situation, the groups should discuss how they could respond with self-control. Give them a couple of minutes to discuss the situation, then ask 1–2 groups to share their responses. Repeat this process for each situation.
Situation 1: There is a new child in your class at school. He is very smart and proud of it. He mocks you because you struggle with your studies. How can you use self-control in your response to him?
Situation 2: You have been very irritated with your friend. She often gets sick and asks you to help her catch up with her missed schoolwork. Yesterday she told you a secret—she is HIV positive. She lives in fear that other people will find out and tease her. How could you respond to her with self-control and life-giving words?
Situation 3: Your father died when you were young. Now your mother is raising you and your 3 younger siblings by herself. She works long hours at a factory. She barely makes enough money to feed your family. One evening, your mother comes home exhausted and begins yelling at you for no reason. How could you respond to her with self-control?
Gather the children together again.
It is harder to speak with self-control to someone you are not getting along with. Nehemiah spoke with self-control to people who ridiculed him. That is difficult to do, but Nehemiah did not do it on his own. Throughout today’s story, Nehemiah prayed to God, and God helped him do difficult things.
Like Nehemiah’s words, your words are powerful! They have the power of life and death. Think quietly about 1 person you can speak life-giving words to this week. It might be a friend, a teacher, or a family member. It might be someone you get along with or someone you usually do not get along with. As you think about this person, think of how you might be able to use self-control in your words with him this week. Ask God to help you speak to him with self-control and to use life-giving words.
Give your children time to think and pray quietly.
Optional: If you are using the Student Pages, allow the children to respond on them.
Close the lesson by praying this blessing, based on Proverbs 18:21, over the children:
Blessing: The tongue has the power of life and death! With your words you can tear people down or build them up. May God give you the strength to control your tongue and speak words that bring life to others.
Lead the children in singing this quarter’s song if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
