During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide and Student Page, can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.
Proverbs 29:11
Anger does not surprise God. He knows we will get angry. He even talks about it in the Bible. Anger can cause us to sin. But anger can also help us, if we do not allow it to get out of control.
God knows we will get angry, but He cautions us to not let anger rule us. He asks us to share our anger with Him instead. Is there something that has happened in your life that has left a scar of anger and bitterness on your heart? Do you sometimes struggle with the pain and grief that come from unresolved anger? If so, there is One who understands. He wants to hear your hurts and help you overcome your anger. He can give you His loving comfort and His wisdom to see the truth of the situation. Take time to go to Him with your anger and pain now.
Encourage the students to begin using their anger-management skills at home when their family members get angry. Their patience may help their family members to control their anger. Also, if possible, provide the families of your students with copies of “Anger Management. You can find this Resource Article just before this lesson in the guide.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
Begin class today by playing a game. You will need a palm-sized stone. Have the teens stand in a circle.
We will pretend that this stone is very, very hot. When you have it, you cannot hold it for very long or it will burn your hands! Before you can pass it to someone else, state something that makes you hot with anger. For the first round, say things that could make someone slightly angry. For example, you might say, “Stubbing your toe” or “Not having a pencil to do homework.”
If you cannot think of an example immediately, pass the stone from 1 of your hands to the other until you think of something. Then share what angers you and pass the stone to someone who has not had a turn yet. You cannot repeat what someone else has said, so think of several little things that make you angry. You can even think of some things that would be silly, such as “Having to walk on tiptoes all day.” Everybody ready?
Once everyone has had a turn with mild anger situations, play another round. This time, use examples about anger that are more serious or more intense.
For our second round, share something that could make a person very angry—so angry that she can hardly control it. These things could make a person feel hot inside or make his heart beat faster. These can be things that personally make you very angry or more general things that would make most people very angry.
Play until everyone has had at least 1 turn. If the students have trouble thinking of answers, you can suggest things such as people abusing children or people wasting food when others are hungry. Have the teens sit down after the game.
Great job! Let’s talk about this game.
Allow students to share their opinions.
We often respond with anger to things we think are wrong. Anger that is motivated by pride can be hurtful to you and to others. This type of unhealthy anger is all about me, my rights, and my concerns.
Unhealthy or prideful anger may cause you to yell at a shopkeeper because he wrongly accused you of stealing. This type of anger causes you to make poor choices and spread your pain to other people. It prevents you from making good decisions. It prevents you from experiencing joy, even about things that should make you happy. It can also affect your health causing headaches, anxiety, stomach issues, and other physical problems. Unhealthy anger pushes other people away instead of allowing them to understand you and help you. This unhealthy anger needs to be controlled so it does not keep you from doing things you want and need to do.
Those were great examples of situations where we need to control our anger. In other situations, it is okay to be angry. Anger is an understandable way to react to injustice or deep pain. For example, it is okay to feel angry about violence against innocent people or the fact that your family does not have enough to eat. Anger and sorrow are the appropriate responses to finding out that your mum has HIV or that someone has stolen the money your father earned. When something bad happens in your life that should not have happened, it is okay to feel angry about it—in fact, sometimes this type of anger can be healthy.
This type of anger can help us to solve problems and motivate us to act. Healthy anger is not sinful. It can help us to defend others who are being mistreated or to recognize that we are being mistreated and do something to protect ourselves. It can also show us when we have done something wrong. It can help us to see our needs or recognize what is important to us. Jesus experienced healthy, righteous anger when He saw people disrespecting God’s temple. He used His anger to change their behavior. We can also use this kind of anger for good, if we control it.
Allow students to share their ideas. Answers may include unfair treatment or situations in which there is an obvious victim. Students may also share situations of death and disease. Express your sympathy and agreement where appropriate.
These situations are unjust, they victimize innocent people, or they go against God’s laws.
Allow students to share their ideas. They will likely share many of the same types of situations.
God’s anger is righteous and healthy. Righteous anger is God’s response to sin. It is about His concerns and His kingdom, and it is expressed in ways that are consistent with His character. For example, God’s righteous anger will not cause Him to lose control of Himself. God gets angry with those who cause harm to those He loves—and that includes you!
Students may say that He loves us and does not want anyone to be victimized. He also wants His laws to be obeyed.
Even though we are sometimes justified in our anger, we cannot let our anger take control of our lives. Listen to these verses:
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
James 1:19–20
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26–27
Neither of these passages says that anger is wrong. But they do tell us it is wrong to sin because of our anger. If we are quick to react, we are likely to overreact or act in wrong ways.
Think of something you feel you should be angry about. Maybe it is something that happened to you that was not right, such as your father leaving your family or your friend being raped. What can you do with those feelings? What will help you to use your anger in a healthy way instead of in a way that hurts others?
No matter which kind of anger we are experiencing, we need to learn to control it. Prideful, unhealthy anger that is out of control can cause us to hurt ourselves and others. Healthy anger that is not controlled does not allow us to improve a harmful or unjust situation. Here are some things you can do when you begin to feel your anger boiling over.
1. Take deep breaths. Breathe in for 4 counts, hold your breath for 7 counts, and exhale slowly for 8 counts.
Deep breathing lowers your blood pressure and helps you to calm down. It gives you a chance to think before you speak. Most importantly, it gives you a chance to talk to God about your anger. He knows what is making you angry—and when you are angry in a healthy way, He is angry, too! If you call on Him, He can help you to say and do the right things.
2. Excuse yourself and move away from the situation or person causing your anger.
Moving away from the person or situation causing your anger will give you time to become calmer and to think about why you are angry. It will allow you to think about what you want to say before you say it. It will give you an opportunity to think about the effect your words, your actions, and your anger will have on the other person. It will also give you a chance to share your anger with God, the One who comforts and brings peace.
3. Communicate. Talk about your anger with a friend or a trusted adult—someone you can share your feelings with freely. If it is safe, you can try to talk with the person who made you angry. Try using the “I Messages” you learned earlier. Remember to say “I feel ________ when you ___________ because I ____________.” For example, “I feel frustrated when you talk while I am talking because I cannot share my thoughts.”
Allow students to share their thoughts.
Talking to someone whose opinion you trust can help you to think clearly about how you feel. That person may also offer wise advice. Sharing your thoughts may help you to realize that your anger is not righteous or healthy anger and you need to handle it differently. As you talk about the problem, you may see more clearly what the truths of the situation are—or together you may discover a solution. Jesus is the kind of trusted friend you can always talk to. When you are angry, you can always tell Him. He can give you the wisdom and love to conquer even the situations that make you the angriest.
Teacher Tip: Be sure your students understand that they should never confront someone, even with righteous anger, when it might be dangerous to them or to others. In situations where violence can result, they should speak with a trusted adult who can give them wise counsel about how to handle the situation.
Now we will practice using these techniques. We will divide into groups. I will read a scenario. As a group, decide if the best anger-management skill to use for the scenario is to take deep breaths, to move away, or to communicate.
Divide your teens into 5 groups. Read each scenario aloud. Give the groups 2–3 minutes to decide which technique is best for that scenario and discuss how they would use this strategy to control anger. After the groups discuss their situations, allow 2–3 groups to share their thoughts about their situations.
While the teens discuss their answers, walk around to hear which groups are involving God in their solutions. After the groups finish discussing each scenario, ask 1–2 groups to share their answers. If possible, include a group that discussed relying on God as part of their answer. The combination of relying on God and using anger-management techniques is the best way your teens can manage anger-causing situations biblically.
Situation 1: Serah has had a difficult morning. She will be late for school because her father’s wife beat her for not doing her chores well. Serah’s younger sister is walking too slowly, making them even later for school. Serah is boiling with anger toward her sister and her father’s wife. What should she do?
Situation 2: Mupenzi is angry with a group of boys he plays football with. They tease Mupenzi in order to distract him from playing well, and his anger is growing stronger. Playing football is the only fun activity he does all week. Mupenzi thinks the other boys are ruining it for him. What should he do?
Situation 3: Habimana made a very poor choice and had sex with his girlfriend. Today he discovered that he caught a sexually transmitted disease from her. He is very angry with her for not telling him she had this disease. What should he do?
Situation 4: Ingabire has very strict parents. They have many rules that do not allow Ingabire much freedom. She has tried to talk to her parents, but the rules remain. Now she is angry with her parents all the time. She does not want to talk to them. She does not want to be in the same room with them. She is so angry that she thinks running away is her only option. What should she do?
Situation 5: Kaikara has a special necklace that her mother gave her before she died. The simple gold chain is the most beautiful thing she has and the only thing she owns that once belonged to her mother. While Kaikara was at the market, a man approached her. He said degrading things to her, grabbed her necklace, and ran off. Kaikara is angry with herself because she did not protect the necklace. She is also furious at the man who stole it. What should she do?
These anger-management techniques can help you to control your prideful, unhealthy anger and use your righteous, healthy anger for good. Alone, they are effective ways to keep anger from ruling your life. But they are even more powerful when they are combined with the loving power of Jesus. He can calm you when your anger is boiling over.
Optional: If you are using the Student Pages, allow the teens to respond on these pages.
Now think of 1 of the things that makes you angry. It may be something that was mentioned during our game at the beginning of class. It may be something that is too painful or private to share with others. We will use the stone from our opening game and pass it around again. This time, we will pass it slowly so you can take the time you need to think. When the stone comes to you, think of a situation when your anger caused you to feel worthless, powerless, or frustrated. It may be a time when you were angry with yourself. You may want to close your eyes and pray so you can share your anger with God and ask Him to help you release it. Think of how you will react next time to the situation and about how you can control your anger.
When you pass the stone to the next person, think of letting go of the anger with it. It may be hard to let it all go. But remember that God wants you to experience the peace and joy that come from filling your heart with His love instead of with anger.
Anger is a secondary emotion—which means that it is caused by experiencing a different strong emotion first. We use anger to protect ourselves from pain, humiliation, fear, rejection, or other vulnerable emotions. The anger helps us to hide from emotions that make us feel unsafe or weak.
Allow the students to quietly pass the stone around the room. Observe the students carefully, and be sure to pray for those who seem to be struggling with feelings of self-doubt, pain, or fear that may result from letting go of anger. Pray also for those who are still angry—that God will release them from the bonds of anger. Then bless them as a group with this blessing based on John 16:33.
Blessing: May the mighty power of Jesus give you the strength to overcome your anger. May His joy and peace rest in your heart where anger once lived. May He who has overcome the world fill your heart with love.
Lead your students in singing this quarter’s song if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
