During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
John 1:1
God is a communicator. Jesus Christ is the living Word of God to man. God used words in creation. When we read His Holy Word, the Bible, we discover His amazing plan for us. If communication is important to God, then we should pay attention to the words we use. What we say shows what is in our hearts (Matthew 12:34).
Remember that God uses your words in the lives of your students. As you prepare for the lesson, consider ways you can use your words to heal some of the hurts these teens may have experienced. Your kind and truthful words will not erase their pain, but they may start the healing process and help the teens to realize that you truly care for them—and that God does, too. Pray that He will guide what you say as you communicate these important principles to your students. Trust the living Word, Jesus Christ, to impart His truth to the hearts of your students.
Encourage the students to ask their family members, “What makes you feel special?” They can then make their family members feel special by using the biblical principles of communication.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
Greet your students warmly as they come to class. Ask them what the best part of their week has been so far. Remember that you are building community within your class.
Start this class with a demonstration. Choose 2 students to read the “I Message” and “You Message” below.
Have the first volunteer read the “You Message” with emotion. Then lead a short discussion about how the students would feel if someone spoke to them like that and why.
You Message
You are a terrible friend! You are always spreading gossip. You cannot keep your mouth shut. I told you that Zawadi and I had an argument. Now everyone in the school thinks that we are going to fight. Zawadi and I spent half the day trying to solve our problem. Then your gossiping started it all over again. I will never tell you anything ever again!
Now ask a second volunteer to read the “I Message” with emotion. Then lead a short discussion about how your students would feel if someone spoke to them like that and why.
I Message
I was really angry when I heard that you told people I was going to fight Zawadi after school. We had already made up, and she got angry with me all over again. I was also hurt that you told other people. I want to be your friend, but I feel I cannot trust you right now, and it is hard for me to spend time with you.
When you have strong emotions and want to share them with someone, you can communicate in ways that draw that person toward you or push the person away. It is all about what kind of messages you use. Here is a Bible verse that helps us know how to communicate well with others.
Teacher Tip: Whenever possible, have the students read the Bible verses directly from the Bible. This helps them to understand the context of the verses and allows them to gain experience looking up verses.
Have a student read Colossians 4:6 aloud from the Bible.
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Colossians 4:6
Allow students to share their thoughts.
“I Messages” tell others how you feel. They express your emotions without making someone else responsible for them. “I Messages” give others an opportunity to understand and show concern for your emotions. They also allow others to help you find solutions.
“You Messages” push the responsibility for your emotions and even your problems onto someone else. This type of communication does not help you understand others or work out a problem. Instead, it often makes the problem bigger. Blaming another person and making her responsible for your emotions will cause that person to stop listening to you.
The Bible tells us some important things about the power of words. In Genesis, we hear that God created the whole world just by speaking. He certainly knows how to use His words for good! Because communication is important to God, the Bible shares some helpful principles of communication: practice encouragement, show honor, listen carefully, speak truthfully, and recognize responsibility. Practicing these skills can help you to communicate more clearly and maintain better relationships with others.
Divide the students into 5 groups. Assign each group one of the 5 communication principles and give them a Bible passage to read and discuss that relates to that principle. If you have a smaller class, you can assign the communication principles to individual students or ask them to work together in groups of 2 or 3. If possible, give each group a Bible so they can read the verse directly from Scripture. If that is not possible, the passages are printed here for you:
Practice Encouragement
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29
Show Honor
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10
Listen Carefully
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
James 1:19
Speak Truthfully
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
Ephesians 4:25
Recognize Responsibility
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:3–5
Have everyone come back together. Ask a volunteer from each group to tell what she learned about practicing encouragement, showing honor, listening carefully, speaking truthfully, and recognizing responsibility. After the first group has shared, add the comments below to help guide the discussion. Do the same with the remaining groups.
Practice Encouragement
The Bible tells us that everything we say should be encouraging, appropriate, and kind. We should not say things to lead others to make bad choices. When we communicate with others by practicing encouragement, they will know that we care about them. This will help them to listen to what we have to say.
Show Honor
The Bible tells us that we should communicate with others in a loving way and show honor in our communication. When we speak to others by showing honor, they will feel respected. This will help them to listen to what we have to say.
Listen Carefully
The Bible tells us that we should listen before speaking and that we should not get angry easily. When we listen carefully to others, they will know that we are hearing what they say. When we try to hear the other person’s point of view before getting angry, he will feel safe talking to us. This will help him to listen to what we have to say as well.
Speak Truthfully
The Bible says we should speak truthfully at all times. When we tell the truth, others will know they can trust us. They will know that the things we say are honest and true. This will help them to listen to and believe what we have to say.
Recognize Responsibility
The Bible tells us that we should always be willing to look at our own responsibility in a difficult situation. We should not be quick to blame or accuse others. When we are responsible for wrongdoing, we should admit our fault in the situation and accept responsibility. Often, both people have contributed to the conflict. Sometimes the fault lies completely with the other person. However, whatever the situation, we should accept responsibility for what we have done wrong. When we recognize our own responsibility for wrongdoing, others will respect what we have to say. They will know that we take responsibility when the blame lies with us. This may help them to accept blame for their part of the problem.
Now that we understand the principles of good communication, listen to some communication statements. As you listen, think about whether or not the speaker is practicing encouragement, showing honor, listening carefully, speaking truthfully, and recognizing responsibility.
Choose students to read the following statements aloud. After each, let the students share if the statement fits the biblical model of communication, how that statement would make them feel, and how they might respond to it.
I feel hurt when you will not talk with me. I thought we were friends. Have I done something to hurt you?
You are a bad person! I know that because of what your mother does to make money. You must be bad, too—just like her!
Why should I listen to your advice? You do not know anything!
I feel frustrated when you keep interrupting me while I am talking. Is there some way we can work this problem out?
You think I did not listen to what you wanted, but I was busy. Now you are angry for no reason at all.
You stepped on my foot, and I tripped and spilled my tea. You did not help me to clean up the mess. That makes me upset. Why did you do that?
After sharing the statements, ask these questions:
When we want someone to hear what we are saying and understand our meaning, we can try using “I Messages.” When we use these, we show respect for the other person, even when we are upset.
It is important to share your emotions so people will understand that you want to be treated with kindness and respect. We learned that using “I Messages” helps the other person to clearly understand your emotions. “I Messages” also allow you to take responsibility for your emotions and the other person to take responsibility for his actions. “I Messages” can also follow God’s plan for good communication. Using “I Messages” will help you to communicate what you need and want in an encouraging, honoring, and truthful way. They allow the other person to share her thoughts and emotions as well so you can practice listening carefully. They also allow you to take responsibility when the problem is your fault.
A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Luke 6:45
Ask the teens to find partners. Share the following scenarios with them. For each scenario, 1 student will communicate using “I Messages” and practicing the principles of communication discussed in the lesson: practice encouragement, show honor, listen carefully, speak truthfully, and recognize responsibility. The other student will communicate by using “You Messages” and not practicing the communication principles from the lesson.
Situation 1: A church member has promised you and your friend a bag of rice to share with your families. When you arrive to pick it up, your friend has already taken it home. You go to her house for your share of the rice, but she will not give any to you.
Situation 2: An older boy at school mistreats you. He punches you, teases you, and tears up your homework. He threatens to hurt you and your family. Your friend does not do anything to help you.
Allow the students to share their thoughts. Their answers should reflect that they felt honored and respected when they communicated and listened using “I Messages” and the biblical principles of communication.
Optional: If you are using the Student Pages, the teens can write down some ways they can practice God-honoring communication in their own lives.
When you are ready to end class, close your time with a blessing over your students based on Psalm 49:3:
Blessing: May God help you speak words of wisdom, and may the words that come from your heart give understanding.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
