During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:
In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.
God, see what is in my heart. Know what is there. Put me to the test. Know what I’m thinking. See if there’s anything in my life you don’t like. Help me live in the way that is always right.
Psalm 139:23–24, NIrV
A broken leg, a large bleeding gash, a high fever—all signal that your body needs healing. Yet when you are wounded by a friend, when you experience deep grief, when you feel forgotten and alone, do you recognize the signals that your heart needs healing? Perhaps when you experience something that wounds your heart, you ignore it, try to be tough, think you cannot change the circumstance anyway. And in reaction you become angry, bitter, or resentful. You use defence mechanisms to handle the painful situation.
Yet our compassionate God is a gentle healer. He knows what is in your heart. He knows your thoughts. As you tell Him honestly how you feel, He can begin to heal your wounds, give you strength to face that hard situation, or comfort you in your grief. Open your hands and your heart to Him and ask Him to show you if there is anything that is hurtful that He wants to heal. Then lift your hands in release, trusting that He will help you because He loves you.
If children have experienced hurt, they may use defence mechanisms to protect themselves. Share with families the ideas from this lesson so they can understand their children better.
Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.
As you greet your children when they enter class, show a range of emotions: boredom, excitement, happiness, surprise, etc.
There are so many different emotions that each of us feels every day.
Children may share the following: Emotions are gifts from God; they are signals about something happening; they are neither good nor bad.
In the first lesson on emotions, the children were asked to pay attention to their emotions during the week. Spend a few minutes talking about the emotions they experienced.
Remember that emotions are not good or bad. How we act in response to an emotion can sometimes be wrong or right, but the emotion itself is just a signal telling us how we are feeling. God gave our emotions to us.
Divide the children into small groups and have them discuss these questions. Give the children 1 or 2 minutes to discuss each question before asking the next one.
You might want to share an appropriate personal example with the children.
Again, you might share an appropriate personal example with the children.
Ask the children to pay attention to their emotions for another week. They should pay attention to when they experience strong emotions. Let them know you will talk about their emotions again in the next lesson.
Cover your face with a cloth. Share the following information with the children. (You may need to hold this guide under the cloth so you can read it.)
Can you tell what I am feeling? Can you tell if I am happy or sad or upset or worried? No! Sometimes people cover up their true emotions with a different emotion, one that is easier to express. It is like they have covered their faces. For example, if they are angry, they may appear sad. If they are sad, they may smile and pretend to be happy. These are called defence mechanisms.
Uncover your face.
Allow the children to offer their ideas.
We will learn more about defence mechanisms and why people use them.
Explain that you will pretend to be Ariho, a child who has been hiding her emotions. You will talk as if she is talking. (If you have a child in your group with the name Ariho, change the name.) Tell or read this story.
My name is Ariho. I use defence mechanisms to hide my emotions most of the time. There are lots of difficult things happening in my life right now. I am sad. I feel like my body and my emotions are really, really heavy. I do not like the way I feel. I am afraid that I will cry at any time. I would be so embarrassed, and I do not think I could explain why I am crying.
I do not know what to do with my emotions, so I pretend. I smile and try to sound happy. I push my heavy feelings deep down inside. Often when there are lots of people around, I even forget that my heavy, sad feelings are inside me. I have developed behaviours to cover up my real feelings. Not even the people I am around the most know what is happening inside me.
Let me give you an example. The other day at recess, no one played with me. I thought the people around me were my friends, but they ignored me. I felt terrible. I felt heavy and sad. But I did not want them to know how I felt, so I smiled and pretended I did not want to talk to them anyway. It seemed better than letting them see that I was hurt.
I think I learned how to hide my feelings from my mother. She would often smile and sing. I did not realize how hard it was for her to get food for us until she took us to live with my uncle. My oldest brother feels sad. Instead of expressing it, he gets angry and hits things. Once he hit me because he was so unhappy. He acts angry rather than sad.
Ask the children to discuss these questions:
Let’s talk some more about defence mechanisms and our emotions. Here are some ways people use defence mechanisms:
There are a lot of ways to use defence mechanisms instead of dealing with our emotions. Often people use defence mechanisms because they have been hurt and it seems like a good way to protect themselves. But always covering up your true emotions has consequences. Listen to some things that can happen when you use them a lot.
Using defence mechanisms can be confusing to other people. Because the emotions we show are not what we are really experiencing inside, it is hard for others to understand us. It is like we are being dishonest. We can even confuse ourselves because we do not recognize and deal with what we are really feeling.
Using a defence mechanism makes it harder to deal with problems. Ariho never told her friends how she felt, so they could never help her. Using defence mechanisms can cause you to feel isolated.
Using defence mechanisms does not make the real emotions go away. Defence mechanisms only hide your emotions—they are still there. They usually stay there until you acknowledge and deal with them. Defence mechanisms can prevent you from being healed from the hurts you have experienced. It is important that you allow God to help you deal with your true emotions and hurt so that you can heal and be healthy.
Using defence mechanisms for a long time can be dangerous to our health because they do not make our heavy emotions go away. The hard feelings pile up inside. If we do not do something to express our feelings and deal with what caused them, they stay inside of us. Some people experience stomach problems, headaches, and other physical problems because of unexpressed emotions.
However, using defence mechanisms for a short time can be helpful. For example, they can give us the necessary time to think about the situation so we can then deal directly with the emotions and the circumstances. Sometimes we are surprised by our feelings. For example, in the death of a father, the feeling is so intense that we are in shock. Sometimes we do not know what we are really feeling or how to express it. In this case, defence mechanisms can keep us from being swallowed up by our emotions and give us time to gather strength to deal with them.
Ask the children to say these 3 phrases 2 times after you:
Listen to these verses from Psalm 139.
God, see what is in my heart. Know what is there. Put me to the test. Know what I’m thinking. See if there’s anything in my life you don’t like. Help me live in the way that is always right.
Psalm 139:23–24, NIrV
Possible answers might include that God sees all that is in our hearts. We can ask Him to help us live in ways that are healthy and right.
Listen to this Bible story from Matthew 26. We heard it a few weeks ago. As I tell you this story, think of what defence mechanisms Peter might have been using.
Peter was one of Jesus’ disciples. He loved Jesus. In fact, he had promised to follow Jesus forever and never leave Him. That was easy for Peter to promise when everything was going well.
Because Jesus is God, He knew what was going to happen. In fact, Jesus told Peter that he would deny Him 3 times before the rooster crowed early in the morning. That night Jesus was arrested. Peter still loved Jesus and wanted to see what would happen. So Peter followed the soldiers as they took Jesus to the high priest. Peter waited in the courtyard when they took Jesus in to see the high priest.
A servant girl looked at Peter as he sat in the courtyard. “This man was with Jesus,” she announced. “I do not know what you are talking about,” Peter answered.
Peter went out to the gateway, where another girl saw him and said, “This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.”
Peter, afraid for his life, said, “I do not even know the man.”
A little while later, Peter was recognized a third time. “You were with Jesus,” a man said. “You are a Galilean, just like Jesus. I can hear it in the way you talk.”
Peter responded, “I do not even know Him!” This was the third time Peter said he did not know Jesus. At that same moment, Peter heard the rooster crow. And just then, the guards led Jesus through the courtyard. Jesus turned and looked at Peter. Peter remembered that Jesus had told him this would happen. Peter rushed outside the courtyard and wept bitterly.
Ask 2–3 children to answer each of the following questions. Pick different children to answer each one.
Possible answers might include anger, denial, lying.
Children might answer that he could have been arrested too.
Divide the children into pairs. Share the following role-plays. For each, 1 child will show how the person would respond when using a defence mechanism. The other child will show how the person would respond in a healthy way. For the second role-play, the children will switch who is showing the defence mechanism and the healthy response. If you do not have much time, only use 1 role-play.
Situation 1
Situation 2
If you have time, ask volunteers to share times when they used defence mechanisms. You might want to share a personal example. The more examples the children hear, the more they will be equipped to recognize their own use of defence mechanisms and when they are helpful and when they are hurtful.
Optional: If you are using the Student Pages, give them to the children to take home to do on their own as they learn to trust God with their emotions.
Close class with a blessing based on Psalm 139:23–24. Ask God to help each child use emotional defence mechanisms in healthy ways and find ways to deal with difficult emotions.
Blessing: May the great God who sees what is in your hearts help you to see your emotions and thoughts clearly like He does. May He help you live in ways that are healthy and not hurtful.
Lead the children in singing this quarter’s song if possible.
Life on Life ©2020 David C Cook. Reproducible for home or classroom use only. All other uses require written permission from David C Cook [email protected]. All rights reserved.
