Safe and Unsafe Touch

Lower Primary

Digital Resources Teacher Tip:

During the lesson, the information for you to know is written in regular type, and what we suggest speaking or reading aloud to children is in bold. All resources for this lesson, including the Teacher Guide, Student Page, Family Connection Card, and other resources can be downloaded in a ZIP file by clicking on the following link:

In some lessons you will find "resource articles." These are articles written by experts from around the world to help equip you for your work with children and adolescents. Share them with parents or guardians if you consider it appropriate.

Focus on Life Skills

Supplies

Bible
Puppets from the tear-out page at the end of lesson (2 boys and 2 girls)
4 pencils or pens

Optional Supplies

Memory Verse Poster
Student Pages
Scissors
Crayons

Before class prepare the 2 sets of puppets by cutting or tearing out both girl puppets and both boy puppets. Fold along the solid edges and place each puppet on the top of a pen or pencil. If possible, teach this lesson with 1 male teacher and 1 female teacher.

Important Note! This lesson is intended to help children understand the difference between safe and unsafe touch. This will help children understand that God wants them to be safe. Unfortunately, in our broken world, children are often abused. Talk with your leadership before teaching this lesson to find out what help is available if you discover that a child has been abused.

For children who are being abused in any way, this lesson may trigger strong emotions. If any children express strong emotions, pause and comfort them. Make time to talk privately with these children after class. Ensure the children know that if they have been touched in an unsafe way, it is not their fault. Follow up as needed to get a child help if you find that he or she has been abused.

If you have ever been physically or sexually abused, this lesson may trigger your own strong emotions. Read through this lesson before class. Give yourself time to grieve and express your pain to the Lord. He cares for your pain. He can bring healing to your wounded heart.

This lesson was designed with young children in mind. Some of the concepts are intentionally very basic. It is important for young children to understand which touches are okay and which are not before they can understand what physical and sexual abuse are. Because this is a sensitive subject, if possible, separate the children into 1 group of boys and 1 group of girls. If possible, have a male teacher for the boys and a female teacher for the girls. If it is not possible to teach these children separately, you may teach this lesson to the whole group If you do not complete this lesson in 1 class period, you may consider teaching this as 2 lessons.

Teacher Devotion

There is a time to embrace someone.
And there’s a time not to embrace.
Ecclesiastes 3:5b

Knowing when to touch someone and when not to can be difficult. Some people do not like to be touched. Other people are very comfortable hugging people they know and do not know. This Bible verse confirms that there are appropriate times to hug someone, but there are also times when this is not okay.

Are you someone who hugs everyone? Does the thought of this make you uncomfortable? Your past experiences might affect how you feel about other people touching you, even when these touches are good. If you have been inappropriately touched in any way at any time in your life, you might not be comfortable hugging or being touched by other people. Take comfort in the knowledge that God knows and understands how you feel. He can offer healing for any hurt that you may have experienced. In the same way, God can help you to be aware of those children you teach who are uncomfortable with safe touch because of past unsafe touches.

Family Connection

Share the “Child Abuse” Resource Article with families. If possible, make copies of this article for the children to take home.

Teacher Tip: If possible, email or text the Family Connection Card to the families of your students.

Lesson Time

1. Connecting:

Play a game to learn about safe and unsafe touch.

Welcome the children as they come to class. Put your hand out in front of you and tell the children they may give you a high-5 hand clap if they want.

As you came to class today, you had the option of giving me a high-5. These are a way to show that someone did a good job or that you are happy to see someone. This is a type of touch that is usually okay. However, if I did not want you to give me a high-5 or if you hit my hand so hard that it hurt, this could become a type of touch that is not okay.

Today, we are going to learn about safe and unsafe touch. To help us, we will play a game and decide which touches are okay and which are not. For the game, when you hear me say, “Teacher says,” you will do the action I say. When you do not hear the words “Teacher says,” you will say, “Unsafe touch!” and you will not do the action I say. If you do an action without the words “Teacher says,” I will ask you to sit down until the game is over, so listen carefully!

Pause for a moment after each statement to give the children time to do the action or think about what you said. If you notice that children are doing all of the actions, including the ones without “Teacher says,” ask these children to sit down until the game is over.

Teacher says pat your back.
Pat your back really hard. (Unsafe touch!)
Teacher says give yourself a hug.
Grab 1 of your arms and pull it really hard. (Unsafe touch!)
Teacher says tap your lower legs.
Hit your knee hard with your fist. (Unsafe touch!)
Teacher says pat your head.
Teacher says, stop!

Think about the actions I asked you to do by saying, “Teacher says.” What did you notice about them?

They were gentle. They were safe touches.

Think about the actions I asked you to do without saying, “Teacher says.” What did you notice about them?

They were not gentle. They were unsafe touches.

It can be okay for other people to touch your back, head, arms and hands, and lower parts of your legs including your feet. However, when someone touches you in a way that hurts you, this type of touch is never okay. When I used the words “Teacher says” to ask you to do an action, I asked you to touch parts of your body gently. When I did not use the words “Teacher says,” you were asked to do something that could hurt you, so you said, “Unsafe touch!”

2. Teaching:

Learn about safe and unsafe touches (Genesis 1:27; 1 Corinthians 12:23; Ecclesiastes 3:5b).

Our bodies were made in God’s image. The Bible tells us:

Read this verse directly from your Bible.

So God created human beings in his own likeness. He created them to be like himself. He created them as male and female.
Genesis 1:27

Your body is very special! God put a lot of thought into what the human body would look like and all of the things it would do. Each part of your body serves a purpose.

We learned that the parts of our bodies that are covered by our underwear or by a swimsuit are private. These parts are to be protected and kept private except when a caregiver or medical person needs to help if you are sick or hurt. These parts of our bodies are not for others to touch.

Remember that we talked last time about how our arms are used for reaching and our hands help us to touch things. Touch is a great way to explore the world around us. Touches from other people can be very helpful as well. A gentle pat on the back or high-5 can make us feel good about what we have done. A kiss on the cheek can be a kind greeting to show someone we are happy to be in her presence. A hug from someone we care about can help us to feel loved. These safe touches are a very important part of the way we relate to other people. They help us to communicate our care for others and our joy. Listen to what the Bible says about hugging:

There is a time to embrace someone. And there’s a time not to embrace.
Ecclesiastes 3:5b

Allow 2–3 children to respond to each of the following questions. The purpose of these questions is to hear the children’s thoughts, so there are no right or wrong answers.

When might be a good time to hug someone?
When might be a time not to hug someone?

If I am really angry and I do not want anyone to touch me, it is not a good time to hug me. But, if I am really sad and I am crying, it might be a good time to give me a hug. Hugs can be very helpful and allow us to show our care for someone.

Teacher Tip: This may trigger children who have been sexually abused. They may react by crying or by becoming very quiet. They might become very uncomfortable. Watch for these behaviours as you talk through the script. Be sensitive to all of the children’s level of comfort and only call on children who raise their hands to answer questions. If a child seems to react strongly to any part of the lesson, make time to talk privately after class with that child. Get help if possible if you find out the child has experienced unsafe touch.

However, if the hug does not come from a friend or a member of our family, it is not a wanted hug. Also, if someone holds on too tight, it can be a hug that is not wanted. The same is true for kisses. They are okay on the cheek as a greeting or from a family member, but no one else should kiss you. Safe touches become unsafe when they are done in a way that hurts us or when we do not want them.

What could you do or say if someone touched you in a way you did not like?

Allow 2–3 children to respond.

Teacher Tip: Help guide the children to find ways to deal with unsafe touches that are appropriate for your community. If it is appropriate for them to say “no,” when they are touched in an unsafe way, advise them to do this. If they will be shamed for saying “no,” guide them to an acceptable way to try to stop the unwanted touch.

There are some touches that are almost always unsafe. To help us learn about these touches, I have 2 friends who will help me.

Teacher Tip: This script is designed to help the children understand parts of their bodies that you may not be comfortable talking with them about. Understanding these parts of their bodies is very important because it will help the children to know why it is not okay for people to touch them in these places. This will help to keep the children safe.

Show the children the 2 puppets. If you have separated the class by girls and boys, use girl puppets to teach the girls and boy puppets to teach the boys. If you are teaching both genders together, use the girl puppets.

Choose 1 puppet to be “Child 1” and 1 to be “Child 2” for the script that follows. You will read the part of both puppets. Introduce each puppet with a name you make up. Be sure the name is not one of the children in class! State the names of the puppets where the word “Name” appears. Make the puppets look at each other during the conversation. You may also choose to use different voices for each puppet.

CHILD 1: Wow, (Name), today I learned something really important!
CHILD 2: Really? What did you learn?
CHILD 1: Well, I learned that your body belongs to you and to God. No one should touch you unless you are okay with someone’s touch.
CHILD 2: That makes sense, but what about when my little brother wants to play and pushes me to try to get me to play tag with him?
CHILD 1: A lot of boys, and some girls, communicate by touching. It is never okay to hit, but some children can be rough when they play. Your brother may not know he can use words to ask you to play with him. But it is still not okay for him to hit you or hurt you.
CHILD 2: My mother says that too. No one should ever touch you in a way that hurts you.
CHILD 1: That is right! Your body is yours. Did you know that there are certain parts of your body that should be kept only for you?
CHILD 2: What do you mean?
CHILD 1: The parts of your body you use to go to the bathroom, the parts that are covered by your underwear or swimsuit, are private.
CHILD 2: What does private mean?
CHILD 1: Private is something that is to be kept only for you. The private parts of your body are only for you. That means no one should touch them or ask to look at them.
CHILD 2: What if something is wrong or you get hurt on those parts?
CHILD 1: My mother said it would be okay for a doctor or someone who is taking care of you to look at your private parts if you are hurt there.
CHILD 2: Yes, I think that would be okay. It would not be okay for a doctor or someone who takes care of me to touch me there if nothing is wrong though.
CHILD 1: That is because those parts of your body are private. They are just for you.
CHILD 2: That is right. No one needs to touch those parts unless something is wrong with them. Even then, they should not need to look at or touch those parts for long.
CHILD 1: That would be unsafe touch.

Teacher Tip: Sometimes young children need help bathing or going to the bathroom. If an adult at home helps them with these things or carries them sometimes, explain that these touches are okay as long as they are only used to help the child.

CHILD 2: My mother told me that there is another part that no one should touch on girls.
CHILD 1: Really? What is that?
CHILD 2: My mother told me no one should ever touch a girl’s chest. This is another private area but only for girls.
CHILD 1: I guess that makes sense. That is a part that girls in many parts of the world cover.

Say the rest of the script in a loud whisper.

CHILD 2: I am really glad you told me about the parts of me that are only mine. But now I have a really important question for you.
CHILD 1: What would you like to ask me?

Slowly turn puppets to look at the children in class.

CHILD 2: Why are all of these children looking at us?
CHILD 1 and CHILD 2: Pretend to be surprised. Then put the puppets down. Have the children clap for the puppets.

Our puppets taught us something very important. There are some parts of our bodies that are only for us!

Teacher Tip: Some children may feel shame about the private parts of their body that they or others have touched. Young children need to know and understand that these are not shameful parts. They also need to know that if someone else has touched them in these places, it is not their fault and there is no reason for them to be ashamed.

If someone touches you in an unsafe way or if you are touched in a private place, it is never your fault! Here are some things you can do if this ever happens to you.

Tell a safe adult you trust.
1. Who are safe adults to talk to?
  1. Allow 2–3 children to respond. Then, name 1–3 adults in your community who would be safe to talk to about abuse.
Tell the person you do not like the touch.
1. How can you tell someone you do not want to be touched somewhere or in a certain way?
  1. If it is appropriate for children to say “no,” tell them to say “no.” If not, tell them to say something like, “I do not like when you touch me like that.”
Do not keep secrets about touch.
1. If someone touches you and tells you not to tell anyone, it is probably not a safe touch. What can you do instead of keeping it a secret?
2. Tell a trusted adult.
3. God made your body and all of its parts. You do not need to feel shame about any of your parts, but it is important to protect your body from unsafe touches.
  1. Teacher Tip: If a child tells you about an inappropriate touch, make sure you completely understand what happened. If you need more information to decide whether the touch was appropriate, ask a simple question like: What happened? Who touched you? Why did he touch you? Do not ask a question that can be answered with a “yes” or a “no,” because that might change the child’s story. It is important to notify your leadership of any possible abuse so the child can be safe. If possible, get the child appropriate help.

3. Responding

Use puppets to act out situations about safe and unsafe touch.

Let’s use our puppets to act out some situations about what we learned about safe and unsafe touch and what to do if we are touched in unsafe ways. To help us, I will choose 2 volunteers to use our puppets to show each situation.

Teacher Tip: If you do not have much class time remaining, choose 1 of the following situations for the children to act out. Make sure to reread the tips at the end of this activity to the children before ending class.

Select 2 boys to use the boy puppets. Make sure to choose children who raise their hands.

Situation 1: David and Simon are playing after school. Juan decides to wrestle with Simon. He shoves him and then tackles Simon to the ground. Simon starts laughing. Then David helps him up off the ground.
- Did the boys use safe or unsafe touch?
- This was safe touch because the boys were playing. However, if one of the boys had been hurt or had not wanted to wrestle, this would have been unsafe touch.
  - The teacher will act out Situation 2 using a girl and a boy puppet.
Situation 2: Angela went to visit her older brother in the city. One evening, her brother’s friend came over. When Angela went to take a bath, her brother’s friend asked if he could help her and watch her. Angela does not need help taking a bath.
- If her brother’s friend helped Angela take a bath would this be safe or unsafe touch? Why?
  - This would be unsafe touch because Angela does not need help.
- What could Angela say to her brother’s friend?
  - She could say “no.” Or she could tell the friend she does not want him to help.
- If he helped her anyway, who could she tell?
  - She could tell a trusted adult.
  - Teacher Tip: Both boys and girls are vulnerable to being touched inappropriately by a man or woman. Also, men and women are equally as likely to inappropriately touch a boy or a girl. It is important for you to believe a child if he or she talks to you about being sexually abused by a man, woman, or even another child.
  - Choose 2 girls to use the girl puppets to act out the next situation.
Situation 3: Valary walks to the market where her mother is waiting for her. When she gets to the market, she sees her friend Gloria. The 2 girls hug before stopping to talk for a moment. Then Valary says goodbye to her friend and walks home with her mother.
- Was it okay for Valary and Gloria to hug? Why do you think this?
  - Yes, it was okay for them to hug. It is okay to hug friends gently. The girls talked together after they hugged, so it is likely that both girls wanted to be hugged.

It is important for us to know the difference between safe and unsafe touches. It is also important to know what to do when someone touches us in an unsafe way. Remember, if you have experienced unsafe touch, it is never your fault. If someone touches you in an unsafe way:

Tell a safe adult you trust.
Tell the person you do not like the touch.
Do not keep secrets about touch.

Memory Verse

God wants us to be safe. Our memory verse today says:

If you are using the Memory Verse Poster, show it to the students.

“I know the plans I have for you,” announces the Lord. “I want you to enjoy success. I do not plan to harm you. I will give you hope for the years to come.”
Jeremiah 29:11

Go through all the following motions with the memory verse once. Repeat the motions with the children 3 times.

I know the plans—Place your index finger on the side of your head and tap your head.
I have for you—With the fingers of 1 hand, point away from yourself.
Announces the Lord—Open your mouth and point toward the sky with 1 hand.
I want you to enjoy success—With the fingers of 1 hand, point both toward and away from yourself. Then, smile and give a thumbs up.
I do not plan—Point up to the sky and indicate no.
To harm you—Show a sad and surprised look on your face. Point away from you.
I will give you hope—Point up to the sky. Then hold your hands together in front of you with your palms facing up.
For the years to come—Hold 1 hand on top of the other and make them into fists so that it looks like you are holding a broom handle or stirring stick. Move the top fist around the bottom fist so that your top hand passes in front of, below, behind, and then back on top of your bottom fist in a circle.

End class by saying this blessing, based on Genesis 1:27 and Ecclesiastes 3:5b, over the children.

Blessing: May you know that God created your body and all of its parts. May He help you to know the difference between touches that are safe and those that are not.

Lead the children in singing this quarter’s song, if possible.

“What a Beautiful Name” by Hillsong Worship: https://youtu.be/r5L6QlAH3L4